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Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer Coaches People to Help Parties Avoid Divorce Conflict!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on August 21, 2011 10:05 AM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks

Not every Rhode Island divorce requires each party, or either party to hire a Rhode Island divorce lawyer to represent them.

I've thought about this divorce concept for more than five (5) years now. Every week I get calls about Rhode Island divorces. Most of the time people are shopping to either free advice or an attorneys' rate for a simple uncontested Rhode Island divorce.

Why is that? It's because money is the big issue with people these days and it doesn't take a Rhode Island lawyer to know that an uncontested divorce is going to cost less than a contested or bitter divorce. So people just use their common sense and ask for the rate for a simple, uncontested divorce even if they really don't understand what it means for a divorce to be truly "uncontested."

But is asking for a Rhode Island lawyer's rate for their divorce as a simple or uncontested divorce just about the money? Possibly not.

Some attorneys in Rhode Island find this kind of phone lawyer shopping offensive. I can understand that. After all, divorces aren't a one size fits all thing. Or at least they shouldn't be. After all, since no two people are EXACTLY alike in the world then it makes sense that now two divorces which involve two people are never EXACTLY alike, right? Isn't it only common sense?

Yet let's remove the Rhode Island divorce cost factor from the picture. Let's assume it doesn't exist at all. What is another reason for asking any question about a simple, uncontested or amicable Rhode Island divorce? Could it be because the person wants to be amicable, or simple, or uncontested? Sure.

So imagine you are an attorney. A person calls you with questions about a simple, amicable, uncontested Rhode Island divorce. If you leave out the cost of the divorce, you might actually have a person on the phone who wants to be amicable and not have a contested divorce. Consider it for a moment.

You are an attorney and you may now have 1/2 of the divorcing couple in a friendly position who wants to be agreeable and resolve the divorce. Is it possible that basically 50% of the job of getting to friendly/nominal divorce hearing is already present? It is absolutely possible. In fact, if the person doesn't have that much money and he or she is attorney shopping for the most affordable lawyer on an amicable Rhode Island divorce, doesn't it make sense that the cost factor is also pushing the person to be amicable and keep the divorce uncontested? It not only makes sense, it is highly probable.

So why do I see our Rhode Island Family Court divorce calendars filled with cases that people aren't resolving by the Friendly Court Hearing Date (aka Nominal Hearing Date)?

I've watched and considered this interesting Rhode Island divorce phenomenon for over a year now. Now while I do represent people with more complicated cases, I coach even more people to manage their own divorces, represent themselves, work out agreements with their own spouses, and even co-parent better.

There are two factors I have identified.

One factor is when one spouse who can't or won't come to terms with a divorce. This could be due to the spouse being unreasonable, mental health issues, or pure bitterness and anger.

The other factor is the involvement of one or more attorneys involved in the case who create conflict in the divorce sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.

To be sure divorces can be emotional. They are too susceptible of tipping from a simple uncontested divorce to a contested, drawn out divorce. Too much of it is seen these days. Some days it literally pervades the atmosphere in the courtroom.

In short, I created coaching to help people and not to put anything even remotely amounting to a substantial amount of money in my pocket. Certainly I'm no saint, I still have to charge for what I do or frankly I won't be eating or I'll be freezing during the winter.

Yet, divorce in our economy right now appears to be on the rise and while I certainly won't profess that in any way I stop it from happening, I felt I had to do something with my skills to make it easier.

So Rhode Island Divorce Coaching was created by me as a solo practicing Rhode Island lawyer. I focus my entire practice on divorce and family law but I will certainly tell you that my mother raised me well. She raised me to help others when I can, to fight against what's wrong without violence, and to do what is right when I can.

So here I am doing what I can. I'm not in a position to represent people or coach for free but I'm doing what I can. When people come to me for representation I may do so, but if I feel that there is any chance that they can properly make it through their divorce using my coaching sessions, then I explain the difference and recommend the coaching when appropriate.

One Rhode Island Divorce Coaching session is only $135. I provide a full hour of time. During your session I learn about you, your marriage, your family, your assets, your debts, your income, your education and factors in your family that may be considered in a divorce. I also the take time to explain to you important aspects of Rhode Island Divorce Process and it's Procedures, important Rhode Island Divorce laws (aka RI Domestic Relations Laws); uncontested divorce proceedings, contested divorce proceedings, the different things the Family Court will want to hear about and what you should discuss with your spouse and answers to your most important questions and concerns. Lastly, I help you determine whether you truly need a lawyer to represent you or not and discover what might work best for you based upon your personality and what we have discussed during our confidential coaching session.

That's quite a bit to cover for only $135. One kind woman came to me for a single session after going through three (3) lawyers, over an eight (8) month period of time to the tune of about $7,500 and had this nice statement to make about my service.

"I wish I had found you sooner Chris. It's sad to find out that what I learned from you in one hour was more than I learned from all my the other attorneys I hired for the past 8 months."

This was perhaps the best unsolicited testimonial I could have ever received. For sake of confidentiality and privacy I do not reveal the names of my clients with testimonials because I work with them in the background and I respect their privacy. However, I can state without hesitation that this is a verbatim quote from an actual client.

Many clients have represented similar sentiments, compliments and testimonials.

Imagine how much help I can be to you and the damage I might prevent if you met with me just one time. Isn't it worth $135.00 to be informed about what happens, be prepared for what might come, and peal away the veil of mystery that causes the fear and anxiety associated with divorce proceedings.

I'm just a call away and I look forward to helping you!

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

Note: If this article contains a case scenario with names, dates or amounts, any resemblance any connection to any person or situation now or previously existing is purely accidental, unintentional, and is merely a mistaken creation in the mind of the reader.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law. The court does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any particular field of practice.

- - Recommended Websites - -

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on July 10, 2011 6:55 AM | 0 Comments | 1 TrackBack

Too many divorces result from one or more major factors. Whether you suspect a divorce is imminent in your marriage or not, one factor that keeps most marriages together is "Listening."

Many divorces result from numerous factors. However, female clients report mostly circumstances which show that their husbands failed to truly "listen to them."

While it may be true that it's a big jump for the lack of listening to cause a divorce because a man failed to listen, many men don't understand that listening is crucial for relationships, especially good marriages.

Keep in mind that listening doesn't involve merely being present and have two ears men. If you think you're doing your job by just doing those two things, the likelihood is that you could be throwing your relationship with your wife right out the door because you remain ignorant of what it means to "Listen" to your wife.

You may take this for what it's worth, but I have a fantastic relationship with my wife Cindy. The biggest factor is that I strive to "listen" more than I talk AND to do it properly.

So what is your quick tip? Listen to your wife and do it properly! Most therapeutic professionals do it all the time. It is usually referred to as "Active Listening."

So how do you listen properly? Follow these factors for listening and you are on your way:

1. Be attentive when your wife is speaking to you by avoiding doing other things and give your wife your full and complete attention.

2. Make eye contact and give acknowledgment. If you sitting in silence and say nothing, look bored, look in another direction, peek at your watch, don't make eye contact, don't make any sounds and don't even look like you are the slightest bit interested in what she is saying to you then you are blowing it!

3. Be attentive for as long as your wife needs to talk. Why? Because for the most part I have learned that spouses need to talk in order to feel better or to share with their spouse what is going on inside them. It is only once you do this completely that your wife feels as though you "listened" to her. It is only then that she feels as though you truly heard heard her.

4. Acknowledge your wife even if it is in small ways such as statements such as "You are kidding me." or , "That's awful." or, head knods or shaking your head or widening your eyes in disbelief. Your wife needs to know you are not only listening but that you have heard her and this shows her how much SHE MATTERS to you!

5. Don't interrupt your wife even if it sounds to you as though you are being accused of something.

6. Don't get defensive so that all you want to do is refute what she has to say. Your wife is telling you how she is feeling at that moment. She needs to be listened to and she needs to be heard. Men are very literal and we get offended too easily. Often times a woman might say something that means one thing to her but when taken literally means something totally different to you as a man and husband. You as the husband need not have enough self control to listen and do so actively. It may take you extra effort not to feel offended or blamed in your marriage, but reacting and responding before your wife has had a chance to finish may only lead to disaster and divorce.

Keep in mind, if you don't actively listen to her attentively without interruption, judgment, retort, attacking her, defending yourself or allowing her to finish, then you have "blown it." You need to actively listen from beginning to end for her to feel listened to.

I still "screw up" several times per month and interrupt, get defensive, fail to listen actively and respond appropriately to my wife. It is during those times that our relationship is angry and uncomfortable and I feel distant from my wife who is also my best friend. It is during those time that I feel most alone as a husband. It is far from a good feeling if you truly love your wife as I do.

Chances are I will never be perfect at this, but I get better each month and after 12 years I am truly "in love with my wife" as if it were our very first day together.

Can women do things as well? Absolutely! But that is a marriage saving article for another day.

If you truly love your wife, care about your marriage, and don't want to end up in divorce fellow men then I hope you take this article to heart. For all the divorces I've helped to complete because it was just too late, I hope I can help as many marriages survive.

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

- - Recommended Websites - -

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching - When Fear Might Hurt Your Divorce!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on July 5, 2011 7:12 AM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks

Too many people in Rhode Island divorces get scared and let their fear steer them into borrowing money and hiring a lawyer to represent them. Many people can't even afford to pay the money back. The end result? Financially they are in a worse spot than they were before they hired the attorney.

Then there are those people who get served with Rhode Island Divorce papers and can't afford to hire a lawyer so they try to "wing it" because they don't have an alternative.

That's why I created the concept of Rhode Island Divorce Coaching. There are far too many people who could do just fine if they just had a little knowledgeable help or some "coaching" as it were.

For instance, I received a call immediately before the July 4th holiday weekend began. The person wanted to see me as soon as possible about their divorce. The person's voice indicated the fear typical regarding many people who are fearful of divorce.

Like many people I observe holidays with my family. So, I reassured the person that I would the appointment first thing Tuesday Morning unless there was suspicion that something was going to happen over the holiday weekend. Since the person was not concerned about anything happening over the holiday weekend I set the appointment for my first appointment this morning. On Sunday I received an email stating that the person had retained an attorney and therefore the person was canceling the appointment.

I responded with an email thanking the person for the courtesy and stating that I was here if needed.

Fear is an interesting response in Rhode Island divorce cases. It is an emotion that tells us there is something coming that we need to be prepared for. Yet at the same time the "fear response" to a relationship situation or change can provoke many people into a response that makes people look before they leap. Rather can carefully shop for a divorce lawyer.

This may or may not have been the case with the person who called me. Yet the call provides an interesting example. If the caller had no fear that something impending was going to happen over the holiday weekend then why did the person retain counsel within 48 hours and notify me on a Sunday afternoon?

What caused the impending fear in the divorce situation? Was it a spouse? Was it an attorney? Was it a situation that occurred? Or was it simply growing anxiety over the unknown and what the future holds? For many people it is this last factor that creates an issue and causes judgment to be rushed as opposed to weighing options carefully.

As part of both my law practice and my coaching sessions I make sure I explain the entire process of a divorce, the legal procedures involved, a person's legal rights, and alternatives and choices that are available, at least to the best they might be known at that time.

It is, in fact, a core foundation of my practice as a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice exclusively in divorce that I require this first part of the process for every person going through or considering filing for divorce. I do so, because without understanding the big picture, how could any client ever understand what an attorney's role is, what an attorney can and cannot do for you, and what your role is in directing the attorney regarding your case. Without these factors, clients often feel like a sailboat without a sail being tossed around at the whim of the wind in the middle of the ocean.

Fear in a Rhode Island divorce situation helps keep you aware that something that is coming needs to be prepared for. However, if a person allows their feeling to overwhelm their reason and common sense such that they do not take the time necessary to meet with and screen attorneys for their skills, that same fear could damage their efforts.

A simple divorce is example is this. Imagine that the person who called me has a considerable amount of fear about the future because the person does not know what to expect. The person develops building anxiety and rather than controlling the fear that a divorce is generating, he or she gets so fearful that a call is made to another attorney who has a real estate practice. She speaks with the real estate attorney who has every right to represent someone in a divorce as an attorney who handles divorces on a daily basis.

However, real estate attorneys aren't doing particularly well in the current economy. So, as a result they take on cases they may not be well versed in so they can bring in cashflow to keep their law practice afloat and pay their bills.

Chances are better than not that while the client may have soothed his or her anxiety by engaging a lawyer immediately, the anxiety about their Rhode Island divorce may now have caused them to hire a lawyer who may not be equipped to keep them informed, or even know the proper procedural aspects of the Rhode Island Family Court's divorce process. The person may now be without their money and have hired an attorney who is not equipped to effectively be of assistance.

A divorce and family law attorney is much like a guide trying to keep you on the right path on a road that he or she has traveled many times. Allowing your fear to create such anxiety that you hire an attorney who is traveling the same road you are traveling for the very first time can cause you to plummet from the path and end up in the middle of your case with no guide at all because you have no money or you are too close to the hardest part of the journey to afford a guide to come on board and try to come to your rescue.

Fear is real and it can be a positive factor when viewed correctly. However, when it is not bridled with reason and common sense it can be a dangerous thing leading you to select the lawyer who may not serve you best because you make a quick decision based on nothing more than fear.

Do yourself a favor. Give yourself some credit. You have made it this far in life. You are alive and you have survived. That is something that counts for something regardless of your circumstances or an impending divorce. Come what may, you can handle it. Even if you are afraid of what might happen in the future, do not do yourself a disservice! Use your reason. Use your common sense. Do not let your fear rush you into a hasty decision!

Whether it is in choosing the right lawyer to assist you in your divorce, or making a particular decision about your divorce, use prudence and do not allow your fear to rush your decision. If you allow your fear to control your decisions your own fear may later create regrets that you can never undo.

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

- - Recommended Websites - -

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Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer Coaches People to Help Parties Avoid Divorce Conflict!

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching - When Fear Might Hurt Your Divorce!

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Recently in Rhode Island Divorce Coaches Category

Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer Coaches People to Help Parties Avoid Divorce Conflict!

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching - When Fear Might Hurt Your Divorce!

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