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Many things can prevent a Rhode Island Divorce Case from settling.  In fact, while I cannot speak for all attorneys in other states I tend to believe that people and attorneys do not differ that much from state to state.  With that in mind, these may be the top two things that prevent divorces from settling on a national basis.

In my Rhode Island divorce practice, experience has taught me that "anger" is the second greatest contributor to the inability of parties, with or without attorneys, to reach a reasonable settlement in a divorce.

While divorce often evokes a plethora of emotions in one or both parties in a marriage, none seem as prominent or as powerful to delay and prolong the resolution of the divorce as "anger."  The anger may stem from any number of things ranging from a suddenly discovered long-term affair to a drug or gambling addiction and more.   As a divorce attorney I leave the treatment of a parties' anger to psychologists and therapists better equipped to address and treat its source and help divorcing parties deal with their mental and emotional dilemmas.

However, there is no doubt that as a divorce lawyer, I (and my colleagues) deal with the effects that the anger of either party has on the divorce proceeding.  These effects range from emotion filled meetings with angry clients who feel cheated and betrayed by their spouse to the vindictive decisions or actions of an opposing spouse with an outright desire to injure the other spouse emotionally or even physically.  

Divorce settlements are often prevented by the anger of one spouse at the other spouse.  Usually this takes the form of one or both spouses making demands in the settlement of their marriage that in some way justify the party's feelings or otherwise vindicate the spouse in some way by gaining more in the way of an apportionment of assets or less in the way of an assignment of marital debt.  Simply put this becomes a matter of getting something that makes the spouse feel that he or she "won" in some way over the other spouse.

In truth, there are no real winners in such a situation.  The anger merely costs the parties more physical, mental and emotional turmoil than is necessary and the attorneys make more money while the parties have less money in the end for their own needs.  

Even if one party views the divorce trial or settlement as a "win", it is merely an illusion.  No one wins in a divorce.  The only way to truly win is to resolve the issues you have at present and move on to a new and different future without the other person as your spouse.

As a Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer I think I shocked one gentleman last week.  Generally speaking I was contacted by a father who had discussed with his ex-wife that their daughter (Age 16) wanted to go and live with her father for the next couple of years. 

Both the father and the mother agreed that if that is what the daughter wanted to do, that they were both agreeable to doing that.  However, they wanted to do it correctly and legally so that placement and child support were both addressed.

There was a pause as the man asked me how much it would cost if I were to handle this for him.  I explained to him that I could not quote him a price until I had a paid consultation with him to take at least 30 to 40 minutes to ask him all the pertinent questions, evaluate what needed to be done and properly advise him as the client of all legal ramifications of what he wanted done and explain how best to accomplish what he wanted done.  The man was annoyed that I would not provide him with a quote over the phone, but frankly speaking, no professional worth his or her salt will just throw out a price over the phone without a thorough consultation unless they are either desperate or inexperienced.

However, when the man asked me about my "Coaching service" and whether that would be an option.  I explained to the man that I could tell him that if he had something specific in mind to accomplish a particular task, that I could advise him if his method is correct, give him specific coaching as to how to accomplish the task he was trying to do in the family court, and let him know what his rights were with regard to trying to make the changes before the Rhode Island family court.  I explained to him that I provide a 1 hour minimum coaching session on each day and that the cost is $100 for that first hour.  Thereafter, the cost would be $25 for each 1/4th of an hour after that until he decided that he had received enough coaching or until I determined no other coaching was necessary.

The man asked if I could give him an indication as to whether I might know if it would be less expensive to have full consultation and then perform whatever work was necessary, or if he participated in my Divorce and Family Law Coaching Sessions. 

I recommended that this gentlemen participate in my Coaching process beacuse it was likely to take only 2 hours of coaching and would certainly cost less than 50% of what it might cost if he were to engage my services to perform the task myself.

The man was perplexed.  A few minutes later I was perplexed.

MAN:  Wouldn't that mean that you would make less money if I take your coaching as opposed to hiring you?

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  Yes.

MAN:  But you won't give me the quote for doing the work yourself? 

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  It's not that simple.  The two services aren't comparable.  They are different services and I am compensated differently for each because one is at a fixed rate and the other one is not.

MAN:  But my point is that you're encouraging me to a coaching service that makes you less money, right?

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  [. . pausing somewhat . . ] Yes, but I'm not sure what your point is.

MAN:  Thank you for your time.

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  Would you like to set up either a consultation or a coaching session?

MAN:  Not right now but I'll think about it.

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  Before we end our conversation, do you mind if I ask you why I sense so much skepticism from you.

MAN:  Well, I just don't believe that any attorney would try to save a person money like that.  If you can coach someone for that amount then it must be pretty easy to do so you should be able to do it for me for that amount so either I should get an attorney who will do this for a few hundred dollars or I should be able to do it on my own.

ATTORNEY PEARSALL:  Well, thank you for your time.  My best of luck to you.

This is perhaps one of the most perplexing thought patterns that people harbor today based upon the public's preconceived notion that every attorney is some fat cat trying to make as much money as possible off each person that comes in their door.  Therefore, when a good-hearted family law attorney tries to better the legal profession and help people in a new and innovative way, it is presumed that the attorney must have an ulterior motive.

It's strange.  As lawyers, many people seem to believe that we are all crooked, greedy and overpaid despite the years of study it takes to achieve our legal doctorate.  Yet even lawyers like myself who are willing to provide alternate services and accept much less for our services and skills than the market provides, are stigmatized by that misconceived general public perception that we are lying greedy and overpaid. 

This misplaced generalization only serves to hurt good attorneys and the consumers they are trying to help.

Modifying placement of a teenage child is a matter that is subject to legal coaching.  It is not so excessive so that it cannot be done by a person who represents himself or herself and receives proper coaching.  It is therefore possible, economical, and best of all it is just a coaching call away.

As a Rhode Island Lawyer focusing my practice exclusively in the area of Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law, I have learned that when people come in for a consultation they want to tell me their story and they want to be told exactly what they want to hear. 

Yes, despite the fact that every divorce lawyer may not portray a realistic scenario to the potential client, clients need to realize that a lawyer may tell them exactly what they want to hear.

If you skimmed that last paragraph which was only one sentence long and you have already forgotten it, then . . . my dear reader . . .WAKE UP!

I'll repeat it because it is so crucial and I'll even be more blunt.  Some lawyers . . . to get your business . . . will tell you exactly what you want to hear!  They may give you results that are not realistic not just for your divorce case but for ANY divorce case.

Lawyers are businesspeople and they get hit by economic times too.  Without clients they don't have income.  Without income, many of them can't afford that cushy little porshe or mercedes they drive.  Without income,  they may have to consider making a late payment on their house or their summer home.  Without clients, the lifestyle a lawyer may have developed for him or herself doesn't last long.  So the lawyer needs to bring in clients. 

That may be you!  Wouldn't it be nice to go into a divorce lawyer and give him or her a quick snapshot of your life with your spouse and kids and then he or she tells you how everything is going to be fine, that they've dealt with this scenario a million times before and that if you hire them, then they will deal with all that anxiety for you and it will be over before you know it.  Imagine a lawyer telling you that all this stress you are feeling right now is needless because the lawyer is going to get you a great divorce settlement and that you should let him or her deal with it and your troubles will be over.

Now, here you are all comfortable and feeling that this lawyer is going to take care of all your divorce troubles when he tells you the cost.  If you are especially stressed out, are you likely to agree to provide him or her with a $3,500 retainer at an hourly rate of $250 per hour?  Most people will find a way to do so because the lawyer is offering a solution to divorce stress and anxiety in your personal life.  What is more painful to you?  The stress and anxiety at home or parting with a few thousand dollars.  In many instances the stress outweighs the money. 

Some, but not all lawyers will do this.  Let me give you an example that came up recently but I'll change the players and the issue itself to protect the privacy of the individual involved.

Clyde met with me for a consultation.  Clyde wanted to divorce his wife Cassie.  Clyde and Cassie had a fight and Cassie told Clyde that he could go ahead and divorce her because she'd be set for life.  Clyde didn't know what Cassie was talking about so he asked her.  "Well", Cassie snapped, "I've already been to a lawyer and he already explained to me that you're going to have to pay me alimony and I'll be doing just great and you'll be broke."  Clyde looked at her in disbelief. 

"Really?" Clyde stated in disbelief.  "Yes.", Cassie answered.  The lawyer told me that you'll have to pay me alimony "indefinitely".  Clyde answered, "I don't think that's true Cassie.  You may want to check with another lawyer."

Cassie got angrier.  "I don't need you telling me what to do.  I've already seen a lawyer and I know what is going on and my lawyer said you're going to be paying me alimony FOREVER!"

"I don't think that's how it works Cassie. So you may want to check with another Rhode Island divorce lawyer."  Clyde was urging her now.

"Nope.  I like this guy and he's told me exactly how it's going to go for you and I like that just fine.  So go ahead and serve me with the papers because I don't like the way you're handling the money as it is."

In this situation it isn't hard to see what has happened.  Cassie went to a lawyer for what was probably a free consultation and she told the lawyer what was probably only her side of the story.  The economy is hurting and the attorney figured out what Cassie wanted to hear in order to hire him as her attorney.  So the attorney painted Cassie a very rosy picture and told her exactly what she wanted to hear in order to get her as his divorce client.

Only too often this is the rule rather than the exception.

It is best to remember the old adage.  If something sounds too good to be true. . . it probably is!  The easiest way to get a divorce client is to tell him or her what they want to hear instead of being honest about the process and what may or may not occur.

If a lawyer is pressing you to engage him or her as your divorce lawyer, usually this is a warning sign.  If you don't hear a few things that put you on edge during a consultation because they cause you to worry a little, this is another warning sign.  If you hear everything you want to hear AND you are pressured into retaining the lawyer's services quickly this is a warning sign as well.

On rare occasions when there is an uncontested divorce or when the parties have good respect and communication with each other, then it is reasonable to hear everything you want to hear from the lawyer.  Otherwise, if the lawyer doesn't raise some possible issues that give you cause for concern, then you should consider whether the lawyer is just telling you what you want to hear just to get your business, especially if the lawyer stands to gain a substantial hourly rate off the arrangement.

In the end, be careful.  If you hear exactly what you want to hear when there could be issues of alimony, child support, visitation, placement, retirement plans and real estate division, then you should shop around by selecting lawyers who are known to routinely practice divorce law before the Rhode Island Family Courts.