Many things can prevent a Rhode Island Divorce Case from settling. In fact, while I cannot speak for all attorneys in other states I tend to believe that people and attorneys do not differ that much from state to state. With that in mind, these may be the top two things that prevent divorces from settling on a national basis.
* * * The 2nd Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * *
In my Rhode Island divorce practice, experience has taught me that "anger" is the second greatest contributor to the inability of parties, with or without attorneys, to reach a reasonable settlement in a divorce.
While divorce often evokes a plethora of emotions in one or both parties in a marriage, none seem as prominent or as powerful to delay and prolong the resolution of the divorce as "anger." The anger may stem from any number of things ranging from a suddenly discovered long-term affair to a drug or gambling addiction and more. As a divorce attorney I leave the treatment of a parties' anger to psychologists and therapists better equipped to address and treat its source and help divorcing parties deal with their mental and emotional dilemmas.
However, there is no doubt that as a divorce lawyer, I (and my colleagues) deal with the effects that the anger of either party has on the divorce proceeding. These effects range from emotion filled meetings with angry clients who feel cheated and betrayed by their spouse to the vindictive decisions or actions of an opposing spouse with an outright desire to injure the other spouse emotionally or even physically.
Divorce settlements are often prevented by the anger of one spouse at the other spouse. Usually this takes the form of one or both spouses making demands in the settlement of their marriage that in some way justify the party's feelings or otherwise vindicate the spouse in some way by gaining more in the way of an apportionment of assets or less in the way of an assignment of marital debt. Simply put this becomes a matter of getting something that makes the spouse feel that he or she "won" in some way over the other spouse.
In truth, there are no real winners in such a situation. The anger merely costs the parties more physical, mental and emotional turmoil than is necessary and the attorneys make more money while the parties have less money in the end for their own needs.
Even if one party views the divorce trial or settlement as a "win", it is merely an illusion. No one wins in a divorce. The only way to truly win is to resolve the issues you have at present and move on to a new and different future without the other person as your spouse.
* * * The Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * *
Though there are many who may disagree with my conclusion that "making the wrong choice of divorce lawyer" is certainly not the greatest thing that prevents divorce settlements, I leave those persons to their opinion and remain steadfast in my belief that divorce lawyers are often the greatest impediment to preventing divorce settlements.
Having practiced almost exclusively as a Rhode Island divorce and family law attorney for nearly a decade I have had the opportunity to oppose countless attorneys who have represented the opposing spouse. From the outset of my practice I noted a distinct pattern and made it a practice to listen more than I spoke, it is this practice and skill that has served me best in my divorce and family law practice.
I have gained my most valuable knowledge by listening to divorce attorneys I have opposed in court as well as listening to others while walking through the halls of the family courts or waiting to be heard in the courtrooms.
Some Rhode Island divorce lawyers, though certainly not all, do not share my "families first" philosophy. Clients should keep in mind that there are those attorneys who see clients merely as a paycheck. If you were a divorce attorney with heavy personal financial burdens or with a substantial desire for increased monetary rewards and you knew that your income was dependent upon the number of clients who hire you each year and how much you earn from those clients, what might you do?
Consider each of these questions and answer them for yourself.
If your divorce case lasts longer, couldn't a divorce attorney justify earning more from your case?
If you are upset about your divorce, couldn't a Rhode Island divorce attorney aggravate what is upsetting you in order to make it more difficult and take longer to set up your case?
If your divorce attorney knows that to make his or her desired income he or she must represent X number of divorce clients each year and make $5,000 on each client, is it more likely or less likely that your divorce attorney will counsel you to agree to a reasonable settlement of your case within the first three weeks of your case?
You may draw your own conclusions. For my part, virtually every case that I have been unable to reasonably settle within a reasonable period of time before both my client and the opposing spouse are injured by the financial burdens associated with divorce litigation have been prevented by attorneys who have placed their own interests before that of their clients. Some of those attorneys even have an underhanded pattern of doing so such that I now warn my clients of what we are up against before we proceed further. Attorneys who act in this way do a disservice to the legal profession and an even greater disservice to their own client.
Rhode Island divorce attorneys who act in this way are a greater prevention to the settlement of divorce cases because emotion is not intentional and can be countered by the reasonableness of a good divorce lawyer who cares about the client and places the client's interests first. However, the intentional actions of a lawyer with his or her own interests placed before those of the client in every sense (mentally, emotionally, physically or financially), can sometimes not be prevented even by the most skilled opposing practitioner.
Ultimately, if you have significant anger regarding your divorce, it is always advisable to seek the assistance of a counselor even if you do not believe your anger is affecting your judgment. Often, anger does, in fact, affect judgment in divorce cases to a person's detriment.
Additionally, be aware of what your attorney is doing in your case and remain active in your communications with your attorney. Most cases are capable of being resolved within three (3) months if the parties and attorneys act in a reasonable manner. If it takes longer than this, speak with your attorney, speak with your spouse and if necessary, speak with your individual counselor. You may discover that what you think is happening in your divorce case as represented by your attorney is much different than what is actually occurring.
In any divorce, be aware of your emotional state and be aware of your case and your divorce attorney's conduct. In the end, both will serve you well in resolving your Rhode Island divorce case.
Authored By:
Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law
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