Recently in Divorce & Women Category

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on July 10, 2011 6:55 AM | 0 Comments | 1 TrackBack

Too many divorces result from one or more major factors. Whether you suspect a divorce is imminent in your marriage or not, one factor that keeps most marriages together is "Listening."

Many divorces result from numerous factors. However, female clients report mostly circumstances which show that their husbands failed to truly "listen to them."

While it may be true that it's a big jump for the lack of listening to cause a divorce because a man failed to listen, many men don't understand that listening is crucial for relationships, especially good marriages.

Keep in mind that listening doesn't involve merely being present and have two ears men. If you think you're doing your job by just doing those two things, the likelihood is that you could be throwing your relationship with your wife right out the door because you remain ignorant of what it means to "Listen" to your wife.

You may take this for what it's worth, but I have a fantastic relationship with my wife Cindy. The biggest factor is that I strive to "listen" more than I talk AND to do it properly.

So what is your quick tip? Listen to your wife and do it properly! Most therapeutic professionals do it all the time. It is usually referred to as "Active Listening."

So how do you listen properly? Follow these factors for listening and you are on your way:

1. Be attentive when your wife is speaking to you by avoiding doing other things and give your wife your full and complete attention.

2. Make eye contact and give acknowledgment. If you sitting in silence and say nothing, look bored, look in another direction, peek at your watch, don't make eye contact, don't make any sounds and don't even look like you are the slightest bit interested in what she is saying to you then you are blowing it!

3. Be attentive for as long as your wife needs to talk. Why? Because for the most part I have learned that spouses need to talk in order to feel better or to share with their spouse what is going on inside them. It is only once you do this completely that your wife feels as though you "listened" to her. It is only then that she feels as though you truly heard heard her.

4. Acknowledge your wife even if it is in small ways such as statements such as "You are kidding me." or , "That's awful." or, head knods or shaking your head or widening your eyes in disbelief. Your wife needs to know you are not only listening but that you have heard her and this shows her how much SHE MATTERS to you!

5. Don't interrupt your wife even if it sounds to you as though you are being accused of something.

6. Don't get defensive so that all you want to do is refute what she has to say. Your wife is telling you how she is feeling at that moment. She needs to be listened to and she needs to be heard. Men are very literal and we get offended too easily. Often times a woman might say something that means one thing to her but when taken literally means something totally different to you as a man and husband. You as the husband need not have enough self control to listen and do so actively. It may take you extra effort not to feel offended or blamed in your marriage, but reacting and responding before your wife has had a chance to finish may only lead to disaster and divorce.

Keep in mind, if you don't actively listen to her attentively without interruption, judgment, retort, attacking her, defending yourself or allowing her to finish, then you have "blown it." You need to actively listen from beginning to end for her to feel listened to.

I still "screw up" several times per month and interrupt, get defensive, fail to listen actively and respond appropriately to my wife. It is during those times that our relationship is angry and uncomfortable and I feel distant from my wife who is also my best friend. It is during those time that I feel most alone as a husband. It is far from a good feeling if you truly love your wife as I do.

Chances are I will never be perfect at this, but I get better each month and after 12 years I am truly "in love with my wife" as if it were our very first day together.

Can women do things as well? Absolutely! But that is a marriage saving article for another day.

If you truly love your wife, care about your marriage, and don't want to end up in divorce fellow men then I hope you take this article to heart. For all the divorces I've helped to complete because it was just too late, I hope I can help as many marriages survive.

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

Note: If this article contains a case scenario with names, dates or amounts, any resemblance any connection to any person or situation now or previously existing is purely accidental, unintentional, and is merely a mistaken creation in the mind of the reader.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law. The court does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any particular field of practice.

- - Recommended Websites - -

RI Child Support Question for The Rhode Island Divorce Coaching Lawyer!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on June 4, 2011 6:20 AM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks

Question: I just got served child support paperwork for a child I haven't seen in 10 years. I paid about $50/week between 2001 and 2002 and then she just up and moved without letting me know. I had no idea where she went and she left no forwarding address. Can she legally ask me for back child support when she left town? I will pay child support going forward (a paternity test will be established first), but I don't think I should pay 10 years worth from the past when she took him away from me.

Reply: If you had an existing child support order through the Rhode Island Family Court you had an obligation to keep paying it. There is virtually always a way to find the mother and the child if you do some investigation. In the very least you should have paid it to the Rhode Island Family Court Child Support Enforcement Department so you would not be in contempt of the court's order to pay continuing support for your child.

If there was, in fact, a child support Order from the Rhode Island Family Court in effect then your child support debt would accumulate interest at a rate of 12%. If you did not have a child support Order issued by the Rhode Island Family Court then the mother of the child is only legally entitled to ask for the court to award her child support retroactive to the date she filed the Motion to Adjudge You In Contempt or to otherwise require you to pay your Rhode Island Child Support Order from the date her Motion for Payment of Child Support was filed. The retroactive part of the court's award, with or without the 12% interest per annum is in the discretion of the judge. Ultimately the obligation to insure you pay court ordered child support is on you and not the mother of the child.

It does not matter if the mother took off with the child or not. Your Rhode Island visitation rights and your obligation to pay child support for the support of your child are completely separate and distinct. A parent does not pay money for child support in order to have the right to see their child. Also, the money for child support is to support the child, it does not entitle you to see your child. In other words, child support payments and visitation are completely separate.

If there was no Rhode Island Child Support Order that says you have to pay a certain amount of money each week, month, etc . . . then the mother of the child may only ask the judge to award her Rhode Island child support retroactive to the date her motion was filed and that should be specifically requested in her Motion if she is requesting retroactive child support when no Child Support Order was ever established by the Court. If there was an actual Child Support Order in place and you have not paid child support in 10 years then you should get a lawyer. If a judge were to find you in contempt of an existing Child Support Order it is always possible that you could be sentenced to the Adult Correctional Institution for failure to abide by the court's order among other things.

Unfortunately, whether the woman left with your child or not, if there is Rhode Island Child Support in place then it is your job to protect yourself by, in the least, paying the child support that was ordered to the Rhode Island Child Support Enforcement Division of the Rhode Island Family Court.

If you need further assistance and/or advice, I offer legal advice and coaching sessions relating to each person's specific facts and situation for an affordable rate. Whatever you decide to do,

I wish you the very best in this difficult situation no matter what you decide to do.

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

- - Recommended Websites - -

A Lawyer who hates Lawyers? What is this Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer saying?

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on July 6, 2010 7:42 PM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks

As a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice mostly on divorce coaching these days I look back upon a man who said something to me privately decades ago that perplexed me. This man had been practicing in another state for some 40+ years.

This man was about as true, honorable and generous a gentleman as I have ever met. He embodied everything that I saw in a good lawyer. He truly cared about his clients. He fought for each one of them. Yet he did so within the bounds of the law, within the bounds of his professional ethical code, and with a high degree of morality such as I have never seen before. The lawyer knew that I admired him and had great respect for him as both a person and as a lawyer.

One extremely hot Tuesday afternoon this rather portly lawyer returned to his office after losing a district court hearing. He plopped himself down in the chair at the opposite end of the short conference room table I was sitting at in the office law library. His secretary nervously brought him a lemonade and napkin then quickly skirted out of the room. There was silence. It seemed to go on forever. Finally, I said, "I'm considering becoming a lawyer."

It lasted perhaps two seconds but it seemed like an eternity. The lawyer lifted his partially balding forehead, wiped his brow with the napkin then grabbed a nearby law book and flung it across his small law library. The book smashed against a row of New Hampshire Statutes Annotated. I heard the spine of the hardcover book tear slightly as it fell to the floor.

It was one of the first times I had ever seen this man so angry and upset.

I was quiet. Perhaps my timing was off. This time I kept my big mouth shut and waited until the lawyer spoke. This is what he said.

Lawyer: [Very Loudly though not Shouting] "I HATE LAWYERS!

This time the pause was endless and it seemed very clear the lawyer wasn't going to say anything else. So, I took a chance. I was just too puzzled not to speak.

Chris: "I don't understand. You are a lawyer."

He was quiet for another period of time. I took a chance and asked my question.

Chris: "How can you hate lawyers when you are one? I don't get it."

He waited quite awhile before speaking. I was thankful that there wasn't another hardcover book within the lawyer's reach.

Lawyer: [ A bit calmer . . ] I can't explain it. You have to live it. But I tell you Chris, if you're anything like me you'll know what I mean when you get there.

That was it. The conversation never went further. It was never brought up again to this date.

I've been working in the legal field now for more than 20 years after that conversation.

As a Rhode Island lawyer I am bound by a Professional Code of Ethical Conduct and Rules of Conduct. To some extent there are things that I can say and things, things I shouldn't say and things I am prohibited either from saying or doing. Some of them might amaze the layperson. I know they amaze me. Morality and Personal Professional Ethics are another ball of wax that are completely different.

The lawyer's name (for lack of a better one just as a point of reference) was Roger.

Hopefully he's still alive and hopefully he is in tune enough with today's "internet" that he reads this article.

So after all the years that have passed I would like to address one statement to this great lawyer and then another one to you as my reader.

First, to this great lawyer.

Roger, I went down the path. Just as you thought, I was very much like you. Thank you for your wisdom. Just as you thought, I understand.

Now, to my readers I offer this.

If you have read my message to Roger then you may not understand the statement I make now until you meet with me.

"If you need a lawyer and you happen to like lawyers then chances are . . you won't like me."

With that said, I can tell you that as a Rhode Island Lawyer who has focused my practice exclusively in the area of divorce and family law, I can't make your problems go away. They are your problems and only you can take responsibility for them and only you have the power to resolve them in your life by your own decisions.

What I can tell you is that I can help you understand and to get through your Rhode Island divorce and family law challenges by working with you as your Coach or by working for you through Representation.

Roger's words were invaluable. Today, they are the powerful force motivating the continued growth of your coaching program. It is a your program specifically because it is designed for you. It is designed to teach you, train you, inform you, and save you time and money in the areas of divorce and family law.

As Your Coaching Program continues to evolve, it will continue to work faster for you, become more economical than it already is for you, become more helpful than it already is for everyone.

Whatever you choose to believe, there is one thing you can know with certainty. I am one lawyer trying to make a difference with a new and innovative way of practice designed by my sacrifices and your willingness to be open to something new that works.

What can Your Coaching Program Help You With?

Rhode Island Divorces & Legal Separations

Rhode Island Child Support Establishment, Modification, Collection and Termination

Rhode Island Child Custody and Child Custody Modifications

Rhode Island Petitions to Enforced Marital or Property Settlement Agreements

Preparing Pre-Nuptual Agreements and Ante-Nuptual Agreements

Petitions to Move Out of State with Minor Children

Rhode Island Motions to Modify Child Support

Petitions to Establish Paternity

Motions to Adjudge In Contempt and Defense of Contempt

Protection from Abuse Petitions and Defense Against Such Petitions

Rhode Island Motions and Petitions to Establish, Modify or Terminate Visitation

RI Common Law Divorces and their Defense

Rhode Island Legal Rights

2nd Opinions on Rhode Island Family Law Cases

and many more . . .

Look for my testimonials section coming soon! Call for a low-cost Coaching Session!

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Go to RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Copyright 2009 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

- - Recommended Websites - -

« Divorce & Trials | Main Index | Archives | Divorce & Your State of Mind »

Question for the Rhode Island Divorce Coach: How do I change visitation?: QUESTION: Hi, I have a custody agreement with my daughter's father. I opted for joint custody but I have physical…; By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)
Uncontested Rhode Island Divorces - Legal Issues a Divorce Coach Can Help You With!: Even if you have an uncontested divorce in Rhode Island there are bound to be legal issues that crop up.Below…; By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)
Rhode Island Divorce Coaching on Child Support Modifications in Marital Settlement Agreements: Sitting in the Rhode Island Family Courts for many years I have seen Post Divorce issues arise. Few situations are…; By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)

Search

Recently in Divorce & Women Category

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

RI Child Support Question for The Rhode Island Divorce Coaching Lawyer!

A Lawyer who hates Lawyers? What is this Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer saying?

Recent Entries

Links

Sign In

Search

Recently in Divorce & Women Category

A Quick Tip for Men to Avoid a Divorce and Save Their Marriages - "Listen"

RI Child Support Question for The Rhode Island Divorce Coaching Lawyer!

A Lawyer who hates Lawyers? What is this Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer saying?

Recent Entries

Links