Too many divorces result from one or more major factors. Whether you suspect a divorce is imminent in your marriage or not, one factor that keeps most marriages together is "Listening."
Many divorces result from numerous factors. However, female clients report mostly circumstances which show that their husbands failed to truly "listen to them."
While it may be true that it's a big jump for the lack of listening to cause a divorce because a man failed to listen, many men don't understand that listening is crucial for relationships, especially good marriages.
Keep in mind that listening doesn't involve merely being present and have two ears men. If you think you're doing your job by just doing those two things, the likelihood is that you could be throwing your relationship with your wife right out the door because you remain ignorant of what it means to "Listen" to your wife.
You may take this for what it's worth, but I have a fantastic relationship with my wife Cindy. The biggest factor is that I strive to "listen" more than I talk AND to do it properly.
So what is your quick tip? Listen to your wife and do it properly! Most therapeutic professionals do it all the time. It is usually referred to as "Active Listening."
So how do you listen properly? Follow these factors for listening and you are on your way:
1. Be attentive when your wife is speaking to you by avoiding doing other things and give your wife your full and complete attention.
2. Make eye contact and give acknowledgment. If you sitting in silence and say nothing, look bored, look in another direction, peek at your watch, don't make eye contact, don't make any sounds and don't even look like you are the slightest bit interested in what she is saying to you then you are blowing it!
3. Be attentive for as long as your wife needs to talk. Why? Because for the most part I have learned that spouses need to talk in order to feel better or to share with their spouse what is going on inside them. It is only once you do this completely that your wife feels as though you "listened" to her. It is only then that she feels as though you truly heard heard her.
4. Acknowledge your wife even if it is in small ways such as statements such as "You are kidding me." or , "That's awful." or, head knods or shaking your head or widening your eyes in disbelief. Your wife needs to know you are not only listening but that you have heard her and this shows her how much SHE MATTERS to you!
5. Don't interrupt your wife even if it sounds to you as though you are being accused of something.
6. Don't get defensive so that all you want to do is refute what she has to say. Your wife is telling you how she is feeling at that moment. She needs to be listened to and she needs to be heard. Men are very literal and we get offended too easily. Often times a woman might say something that means one thing to her but when taken literally means something totally different to you as a man and husband. You as the husband need not have enough self control to listen and do so actively. It may take you extra effort not to feel offended or blamed in your marriage, but reacting and responding before your wife has had a chance to finish may only lead to disaster and divorce.
Keep in mind, if you don't actively listen to her attentively without interruption, judgment, retort, attacking her, defending yourself or allowing her to finish, then you have "blown it." You need to actively listen from beginning to end for her to feel listened to.
I still "screw up" several times per month and interrupt, get defensive, fail to listen actively and respond appropriately to my wife. It is during those times that our relationship is angry and uncomfortable and I feel distant from my wife who is also my best friend. It is during those time that I feel most alone as a husband. It is far from a good feeling if you truly love your wife as I do.
Chances are I will never be perfect at this, but I get better each month and after 12 years I am truly "in love with my wife" as if it were our very first day together.
Can women do things as well? Absolutely! But that is a marriage saving article for another day.
If you truly love your wife, care about your marriage, and don't want to end up in divorce fellow men then I hope you take this article to heart. For all the divorces I've helped to complete because it was just too late, I hope I can help as many marriages survive.
Authored By:
Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law
Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!
Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by
Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!
Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com
Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!
Experience the Difference!
Copyright 2000 to Present. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!
Note: If this article contains a case scenario with names, dates or amounts, any resemblance any connection to any person or situation now or previously existing is purely accidental, unintentional, and is merely a mistaken creation in the mind of the reader.
* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law. The court does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any particular field of practice.
- - Recommended Websites - -
Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com| Attorney Chris Pearsall at LawGuru.com | Rhode Island Family Law Lawyer - RI Consumer Tips