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As a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice mostly on divorce coaching these days I look back upon a man who said something to me privately decades ago that perplexed me.  This man had been practicing in another state for some 40+ years.

This man was about as true, honorable and generous a gentleman as I have ever met.  He embodied everything that I saw in a good lawyer.  He truly cared about his clients.  He fought for each one of them.  Yet he did so within the bounds of the law, within the bounds of his professional ethical code, and with a high degree of morality such as I have never seen before.  The lawyer knew that I admired him and had great respect for him as both a person and as a lawyer.  

One extremely hot Tuesday afternoon this rather portly lawyer returned to his office after losing a  district court hearing.  He plopped himself down in the chair at the opposite end of the short conference room table I was sitting at in the office law library.  His secretary nervously brought him a lemonade and napkin then quickly skirted out of the room.  There was silence.  It seemed to go on forever.  Finally, I said, "I'm considering becoming a lawyer."

It lasted perhaps two seconds but it seemed like an eternity.  The lawyer lifted his  partially balding forehead, wiped his brow with the napkin then grabbed a nearby law book and flung it across his small law library.  The book smashed against a row of New Hampshire Statutes Annotated.  I heard the spine of the hardcover book tear slightly as it fell to the floor.

It was one of the first times I had ever seen this man so angry and upset.

I was quiet.  Perhaps my timing was off.  This time I kept my big mouth shut and waited until the lawyer spoke.  This is what he said.

Lawyer:  [Very Loudly though not Shouting] "I HATE LAWYERS! 

This time the pause was endless and it seemed very clear the lawyer wasn't going to say anything else.  So, I took a chance.  I was just too puzzled not to speak.

Chris:  "I don't understand.  You are a lawyer."
    
He was quiet for another period of time.  I took a chance and asked my question.

Chris:  "How can you hate lawyers when you are one?  I don't get it."

He waited quite awhile before speaking.   I was thankful that there wasn't another hardcover book within the lawyer's reach.

Lawyer:  [ A bit calmer . .  ]   I can't explain it.  You have to live it.  But I tell you Chris, if you're anything like me you'll know what I mean when you get there.

That was it.  The conversation never went further.  It was never brought up again to this date.

I've been working in the legal field now for more than 20 years after that conversation.  

As a Rhode Island lawyer I am bound by a Professional Code of Ethical Conduct and Rules of Conduct.  To some extent there are things that I can say and things, things I shouldn't say and things I am prohibited either from saying or doing.  Some of them might amaze the layperson.  I know they amaze me.  Morality and Personal Professional Ethics are another ball of wax that are completely different.

The lawyer's name (for lack of a better one just as a point of reference) was Roger.

Hopefully he's still alive and hopefully he is in tune enough with today's "internet" that he reads this article.

So after all the years that have passed I would like to address one statement to this great lawyer and then another one to you as my reader.

First, to this great lawyer.

Roger, I went down the path.  Just as you thought, I was very much like you.  Thank you for your wisdom.  Just as you thought, I understand. 

Now, to my readers I offer this.

If you have read my message to Roger then you may not understand the statement I make now until you meet with me.

"If you need a lawyer and you happen to like lawyers then chances are . . you won't like me."

With that said, I can tell you that as a Rhode Island Lawyer who has focused my practice exclusively in the area of divorce and family law, I can't make your problems go away.  They are your problems and only you can take responsibility for them and only you have the power to resolve them in your life by your own decisions.

What I can tell you is that I can help you understand and to get through your Rhode Island divorce and family law challenges by working with you as your Coach or by working for you through Representation.

Roger's words were invaluable.  Today, they are the powerful force motivating the continued growth of your coaching program.  It is a your program specifically because it is designed for you.  It is designed to teach you, train you, inform you, and save you time and money in the areas of divorce and family law.

As Your Coaching Program continues to evolve, it will continue to work faster for you, become more economical than it already is for you, become more helpful than it already is for everyone.

Whatever you choose to believe, there is one thing you can know with certainty.  I am one lawyer trying to make a difference with a new and innovative way of practice designed by my sacrifices and your willingness to be open to something new that works. 

What can Your Coaching Program Help You With?

Rhode Island Divorces & Legal Separations
Rhode Island Child Support Establishment, Modification, Collection and Termination
Rhode Island Child Custody and Child Custody Modifications
Rhode Island Petitions to Enforced Marital or Property Settlement Agreements
Preparing Pre-Nuptual Agreements and Ante-Nuptual Agreements
Petitions to Move Out of State with Minor Children
Rhode Island Motions to Modify Child Support
Petitions to Establish Paternity
Motions to Adjudge In Contempt and Defense of Contempt
Protection from Abuse Petitions and Defense Against Such Petitions
Rhode Island Motions and Petitions to Establish, Modify or Terminate Visitation
RI Common Law Divorces and their Defense
Rhode Island Legal Rights
2nd Opinions on Rhode Island Family Law Cases
and many more . . . 

Look for my testimonials section coming soon!  Call for a low-cost Coaching Session!

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach
!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Go to RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com


Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Copyright 2009 to Present.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

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The more unusual RI grounds used as a basis for a divorce action are found in Rhode Island General Laws 15-5-2 et. seq.


Consider this rather unique hypothetical Rhode Island Divorce case that could be filed under Rhode Island General Laws 15-5-2(8) which is a seldom used grounds for divorce.


This hypothetical and its questions demonstrate how factual changes and/or allegations by a party might affect a RI Divorce proceeding for the parties, their minor children, the attorneys involved, and what the Rhode Island Family Court Judges sometimes have to consider in cases that diverge from the typical "irreconcilable differences" divorce cases.


* * THE SECTION (8) HYPOTHETICAL * *


In this hypothetical case, the husband is the primary wage earner of the family.   The parties have been married for eight years and have a couple children. Imagine that the the wife discovers that the husband was engaging in relationships with men and possibly other women.


After the wife discovers this about the husband she files for divorce under RI General Laws 15-5-2(8).


It should be noted that Rhode Island General Laws 15-5-2(8) is a grounds for divorce that is very seldom used in Rhode Island Family Court.


Section (8) states that a RI divorce may be granted for gross misbehavior and wickedness, in either of the parties, repugnant to and in violation of the marriage covenant.


Hypothetically, a divorce case in Rhode Island such as this is one of considerable interest since it raises more questions than it actually answers for the parties, the lawyers and particularly for the Rhode Island Family Court.

Assume purely for this hypothetical that the husband may be a person of bi-sexual and/or homosexual orientation but has been unable to come to terms with his own sexuality.  What issues or questions might this type of situation raise?

Would it make any difference if the husband concealed bi-sexual and/or homosexual relationships from his wife and continued to have intimate relations with her without her knowledge?


Might a RI Judge consider that the husband's conduct constitutes "misbehavior and/or conduct or wickedness repugnant to and in violation of the marital covenant" as set forth in Rhode Island General Laws 15-5-2(8)?


However, let's change the hypothetical momentarily.  What if the husband continued bi-sexual and/or homosexual relations while also engaging in intercourse with his wife and recklessly caused her to get infections, disease and/or AIDS/HIV?  Might that affect a Rhode Island Judge's thought process on the subject?  


Let's twist our hypothetical marriage and divorce for a minute and arbitrarily consider a few questions.


Would it be possible if the husband were only having relationships with men to reasonably argue that he had not cheated on his wife because he had not committed a sexual act with the opposite sex?  Does RI law even say anything about this?


If one were just to consider the wife's burden of proof before the court, might the husband's extramarital conduct with men be considered gross misbehavior or wickedness as stated in Section 8 of the statute?


What affect if any might the fact that Massachusetts had approved same sex marriages for a time have on a Rhode Island Court's findings and rulings?


What kind of conduct is considered "repugnant to the marriage covenant" under Rhode Island law?


By the same token, what conduct would be considered "wickedness" as envisioned by the Rhode Island Statute?


Under any of these hypothetical scenarios, might there be any conduct by the husband which causes his conduct to reach the level of "gross misbehavior" and/or "wickedness"?


Please keep in mind that this article is not an attack, nor even a criticism of a bi-sexual, homosexual or lesbian lifestyle.  Rather, this is merely the application of a hypothetical with possible scenarios and questions that may or may not affect these seldom used grounds for divorce under Rhode Island law.  Specifically this is a preliminary consideration about whether actions under this hypothetical scenario and the various questions posed herein might fall within the divorce grounds provided by R.I. General Laws 15-5-2(8) as noted above.

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach
!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Go to RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com


Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Copyright 2009.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.comRhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach  |  RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com | Rhode Island Home Buying Tips | 

Many things can prevent a Rhode Island Divorce Case from settling.  In fact, while I cannot speak for all attorneys in other states I tend to believe that people and attorneys do not differ that much from state to state.  With that in mind, these may be the top two things that prevent divorces from settling on a national basis.


* * * The 2nd Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * *


In my Rhode Island divorce practice, experience has taught me that "anger" is the second greatest contributor to the inability of parties, with or without attorneys, to reach a reasonable settlement in a divorce.


While divorce often evokes a plethora of emotions in one or both parties in a marriage, none seem as prominent or as powerful to delay and prolong the resolution of the divorce as "anger."  The anger may stem from any number of things ranging from a suddenly discovered long-term affair to a drug or gambling addiction and more.   As a divorce attorney I leave the treatment of a parties' anger to psychologists and therapists better equipped to address and treat its source and help divorcing parties deal with their mental and emotional dilemmas.


However, there is no doubt that as a divorce lawyer, I (and my colleagues) deal with the effects that the anger of either party has on the divorce proceeding.  These effects range from emotion filled meetings with angry clients who feel cheated and betrayed by their spouse to the vindictive decisions or actions of an opposing spouse with an outright desire to injure the other spouse emotionally or even physically.  


Divorce settlements are often prevented by the anger of one spouse at the other spouse.  Usually this takes the form of one or both spouses making demands in the settlement of their marriage that in some way justify the party's feelings or otherwise vindicate the spouse in some way by gaining more in the way of an apportionment of assets or less in the way of an assignment of marital debt.  Simply put this becomes a matter of getting something that makes the spouse feel that he or she "won" in some way over the other spouse.


In truth, there are no real winners in such a situation.  The anger merely costs the parties more physical, mental and emotional turmoil than is necessary and the attorneys make more money while the parties have less money in the end for their own needs.  


Even if one party views the divorce trial or settlement as a "win", it is merely an illusion.  No one wins in a divorce.  The only way to truly win is to resolve the issues you have at present and move on to a new and different future without the other person as your spouse.



* * *  The Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * * 

Though there are many who may disagree with my conclusion that "making the wrong choice of divorce lawyer" is certainly not the greatest thing that prevents divorce settlements, I leave those persons to their opinion and remain steadfast in my belief that divorce lawyers are often the greatest impediment to preventing divorce settlements.


Having practiced almost exclusively as a Rhode Island divorce and family law attorney for nearly a decade I have had the opportunity to oppose countless attorneys who have represented the opposing spouse.  From the outset of my practice I noted a distinct pattern and made it a practice to listen more than I spoke, it is this practice and skill that has served me best in my divorce and family law practice.  


I have gained my most valuable knowledge by listening to divorce attorneys I have opposed in court as well as listening to others while walking through the halls of the family courts or waiting to be heard in the courtrooms.


Some Rhode Island divorce lawyers, though certainly not all, do not share my "families first" philosophy.  Clients should keep in mind that there are those attorneys who see clients merely as a paycheck.  If you were a divorce attorney with heavy personal financial burdens or with a substantial desire for increased monetary rewards and you knew that your income was dependent upon the number of clients who hire you each year and how much you earn from those clients, what might you do?


Consider each of these questions and answer them for yourself.


If your divorce case lasts longer, couldn't a divorce attorney justify earning more from your case?


If you are upset about your divorce, couldn't a Rhode Island divorce attorney aggravate what is upsetting you in order to make it more difficult and take longer to set up your case?


If your divorce attorney knows that to make his or her desired income he or she must represent X number of divorce clients each year and make $5,000 on each client, is it more likely or less likely that your divorce attorney will counsel you to agree to a reasonable settlement of your case within the first three weeks of your case?


You may draw your own conclusions.  For my part, virtually every case that I have been unable to reasonably settle within a reasonable period of time before both my client and the opposing spouse are injured by the financial burdens associated with divorce litigation have been prevented by attorneys who have placed their own interests before that of their clients.  Some of those attorneys even have an underhanded pattern of doing so such that I now warn my clients of what we are up against before we proceed further.  Attorneys who act in this way do a disservice to the legal profession and an even greater disservice to their own client.


Rhode Island divorce attorneys who act in this way are a greater prevention to the settlement of divorce cases because emotion is not intentional and can be countered by the reasonableness of a good divorce lawyer who cares about the client and places the client's interests first.  However, the intentional actions of a lawyer with his or her own interests placed before those of the client in every sense (mentally, emotionally, physically or financially), can sometimes not be prevented even by the most skilled opposing practitioner.


Ultimately, if you have significant anger regarding your divorce, it is always advisable to seek the assistance of a counselor even if you do not believe your anger is affecting your judgment.  Often, anger does, in fact, affect judgment in divorce cases to a person's detriment.  


Additionally, be aware of what your attorney is doing in your case and remain active in your communications with your attorney.  Most cases are capable of being resolved within three (3) months if the parties and attorneys act in a reasonable manner.  If it takes longer than this, speak with your attorney, speak with your spouse and if necessary, speak with your individual counselor.  You may discover that what you think is happening in your divorce case as represented by your attorney is much different than what is actually occurring.


In any divorce, be aware of your emotional state and be aware of your case and your divorce attorney's conduct.  In the end, both will serve you well in resolving your Rhode Island divorce case.

 

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach
!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Go to RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com


Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Copyright 2009.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.comRhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach  |  RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com | Rhode Island Home Buying Tips | 

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