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In Rhode Island divorces, lawyers are finding that much of what they may be looking for regarding marital infidelities, finances, investments, and other crucial information is often found on the family computer.

Yet technology isn't the easiest thing to understand.  If you were to look at a computer motherboard with all its wires, diodes, slots and soldered circuits, you'd probably wonder how it does what it does.  In many respects it is like creating an engineered human brain that is designed to perform certain functions.

All in all, computers do amazing things.  Emails are sliced up into manageable units called "packets" and sent around the globe in different directions only to be reassembled at their intended destination where for the user to read.  Photos are transferred from one computer to another via peer to peer networks.  Computer programs are downloaded from internet servers where we type in words or a numeric address and within seconds we are transported to a personal or company profile or website half way around the world.  Computer programs such as Excel, Peachtree or Quicken are installed on our computer to help us maintain our finances, investments and even work with our banks to complete transactions between bank accounts.

Much of what I have described in the prior paragraph occurs through computer hard drives that contain discs spinning inside our computers in small metallic boxes at high speeds.  Based upon your computer keyboard commands and the program(s) you may be running, these drives record, save, delete, move, compress, and duplicate information.  Hard drives operate programs and store vast amounts of data of all kinds for all kinds of purposes.  These "hard drives" are currently the epicenter for all long-term data storage on your computer by virtue of magnetic impressions placed on the hard drive/disc.

These magnetic impressions may be located in a single location of the hard drive or scattered over several sectors of a hard drive disc.  The magnetic impressions are, in essence "memorized" or "tracked" by the computer to form a cohesive impression of any one piece of information.

You may have heard this before but it is worth saying again.  Nothing is ever truly deleted from a  hard drive.  Why is this and why is it important?

First, nothing is every truly deleted from a hard drive because the impression created by any given piece of data is magnetic.  Though the computer can "overwrite" a file (a peice of data) with another peice of data, it does so by creating a counter-magnetic field or a stronger magnetic field that is "more readable" by the computer in the same location as the first file's (i.e. data's) location.  The computer, in turn, essentially says. . . . hey . . . don't recognize the old magnetic impression, the user has told me (the computer) that the old information is not important anymore (i.e. the user of the computer has deleted it) thus I (the computer) can use this space for something new.

Many Rhode Island divorce lawyers will not find this fascinating or even interesting.  Yet even as boring as it may sound, it is crucial for today's divorce practitioner.  Why?  Because crucial data that could be used by or needed by your divorce lawyer may be right on that family computer's hard drive.

You see, even though you may have told your computer to delete a file, it's not really deleted.  It is actually marked as . . . hey, this area can be used for something else when it's needed.  So, the computer just doesn't recognize that the old file is there anymore.  At least it doesn't recognize it on the screen of your computer.  Yet I can assure you that it's still there and it can be recovered.

Even if your divorce lawyer needs information that you know was on the computer and the computer has said  . . . hey . . . here comes a new file . . . the user/operator of this computer told us we can use the space where finances.xls used to be.  Although the computer then writes a new file or part of a file to that same space, a magnetic impression still remains there.  Yes, it may be a little fainter but it's still there.

So what do you do about it.  Well, there are multiple levels of computer experience right now and multiple levels of technology that can help you.  This is where knowledgeable computer professionals like myself come in.  There's no real name to each level of technology professional but for the sake of this article I'll define them in levels.

First, you have your Level 1 Forensic Computer Analyst.  These guys are the real pros of the computer technology world.  They know all the technical terminology behind each and every aspect of hard drive creation, how it works, how things are saved, how things can be recovered and so on.

A Level 1 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist can pull just about anything that ever existed off a hard drive if there was ever a chance of doing so and they can testify in court with a level of expertise that you would find so mind-boggling that your brain cells might actually overload from the technical information they know.  Typically they prefer to work with the original hard drive, they track each step with precision so that there is no question that the data retrieved was from the exact hard drive that has been examined and that there is no doubt that the information you have been, or will be shown is from the hard drive at issue in the court case.  Everything is meticulous and usually involves the actual technical dis-assembly of the hard drive itself to place the hard drive discs (often called "plates") in special machines in order to read the magnetic impressions with high-end technology that costs more than most people make in a lifetime.  The hard drive is examined, verified, data is retrieved and the hard drive discs are preserved for the hearing or trial.  The hard drive itself is not susceptible of being put back together again but rather remains in a disassembled state, therefore all information is backed up before the process begins so that the data the user doesn't mind you seeing is still preserved.

A Level 1 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist must spend considerable time and resources to get the information you may need.   It may cost as little as $20,000 or in excess of $100,000 to get the job done without question and with qualifications that place the information without question before the divorce court as authentic.

A Level 2 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist has a differing level of expertise.  This individual has the background to know the ins and outs of hard drives, computer storage, erasure, recovery and the various levels or retrieval achievable.  Usually, he or she has the knowledge and expertise to testify as an expert at trial and is capable and confident that he or she can verify the data retrieved from the computer hard drive and testify as to its reliability on the witness stand to a reasonable degree of scientific certainty such that the information is usable in a courtroom.

The Level 2 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist differs in that he or she does not disassemble the hard drive itself but uses one or more methods of obtaining information from the drive without damaging the original data or disassembling the hard drive for examination by complex magnetic examination retrieval tools.  This may (or may not) involve a retrieval of the information directly from the drive by means of a recovery of only of those files containing specific information sought using direct criteria provided by the party employing the specialist to recover the data.  Usually, the Level 2 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist will hook up a separate computer with advanced software and/or hard drive analysis programs or complex algorythms designed to identify magnetic impressions on the drive and restore them to their original coherent form on a brand new and never used drive containing no data whatsoever so as to prevent any confusion or issues with magnetic impressions from a prior user.

As with a Level 1 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist, the Level 2 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist possesses the level of knowledge, education experience and ability necessary to testify in a Rhode Island divorce matter regarding the recovered information.  A Level 2 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist may prove costly and may reasonably range from $10,000 to as much as $40,000 due to his or her level of experience, the time-consuming nature of the work that needs to be performed, and the specialist's ability to testify in a professional capacity as a qualified expert before the Rhode Island family court.

A Level 3 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist fills a very important gap that the other two specialists do not adequately address.  The process used by the Level 3 Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist provides substantial value to the client while still addressing two important factors that are important to many clients regarding more recent computer usage and/or deletions that may have taken place on the computer, these factors are . . . price and knowledge.

The Level 3 Specialist has enough knowledge and information through education and/or experience to properly create a forensic duplicate of the hard drive to be examined for the Rhode Island lawyer who has engaged him or her. 

The Level 3 Specialist has enough knowledge to allow the lawyer seeking to compel the computer to make representations to the court that nothing will be added to, removed from or otherwise modified on the original hard drive and that upon completion of the forensic copying process the hard drive will be returned to the computer owner completely intact.

This unique process for the Level 3 Specialist enables the Rhode Island lawyer to make a stronger argument for the production of the computer or simply the hard drive from the computer because the computer user suffers no prejudice except for a nominal loss of time while a forensic copy of the hard drive is being made. 

The Level 3 Specialist then has a forensic copy of the original computer hard drive, complete with all magnetic impressions literally in layers throughout the hard drive.  Using the forensic copy of the hard drive the Level 3 Specialist is able to use modern day advanced recovery programs to examine as many layers of the forensic drive capable by each software program based upon the format of the forensic drive. 

The Level 3 Specialist can then perform a complete recovery of all data files whose magnetic impressions are sufficiently intact for the data in the magnetic impression to be retrieved.  This will always be done to a new drive that is at least one and one-half to two times the size of the original forensic hard drive being examined in order to account for the recovery of countless files on varying magnetic layers of the forensic drive.  Many times the software may endeavor to identify the particular layer the magnetic impression exists on and help the forensic specialist determine by the recovery program's standards whether the file was a recent deletion or an original file from the first installation of the operating system or perhaps an upgrade overwrite of a system file.

The Level 3 Specialist's job is often times very time consuming since the creation of a forensic copy is a tedious process and the specialist may want to identify areas of damage on the drive during the copying process.  Additionally, the recovery process is extensive and requires a sector by sector analysis of the forensic copy.  The amount of time that may be expended by the specialist in the forensic copying process as well as the recovery process depends upon several variables including but not limited to, the size of the hard drive to be duplicated, the power of the computer performing the duplication process, the speed of the new hard drive accepting the forensic information, and the type of connection it has to the processing computer.

Likewise, the amount of time necessarily expended by the Level 3 Specialist in the forensic recovery process depends upon the the size of the forensic hard drive being recovered from, the processor power and memory of the computer allocated to performing the recovery process on the forensic hard drive, the acquisition speed of the new hard drive for accepting the forensic data being recovered, and the type of connection both between the forensic hard drive and the processing computer, and also the connection between the processing computer and the target recovery drive, the sophistication and number of recovery programs the Level 3 Specialist uses to recover the data, and lastly the number of layers that are recoverable from the forensic hard drive.

The drawback of a Level 3 Specialist is that he or she has the knowledge to perform the work necessary to determine whether information is readily available and to recover that readily available information, but he or she is not likely to have the knowledge or experience the court requires to testify as to the information recovered.  Thus the Level 3 Specialist is primarily for a cost effective benefit for the client perhaps as to a settlement posture or to determine whether further action should be taken but not as an expert to testify at court.

As I mentioned previously, the two beneficial needs filled by the Level 3 Computer Data Recovery Specialist are price and knowledge.  A Level 3 Specialist will cost between $2,000 and $6,000 depending upon the size of the hard drive.  The price is considerably less than either the Level 1 or Level 2 Computer Data Recovery Specialists and thus this price difference may make a Level 3 Specialist the right choice for a client who believes that information about the marriage and/or finances (or whatever you may be looking for) was on the hard drive within the last six (6) to eight (8) months.

Generally speaking, the more recently the data existed on the hard drive, the more likely it is to be recovered.

The second benefit filled by the Level 3 Computer Data Recovery Specialist is knowledge.  Sometimes a party may not know if there is anything on the computer that will be helpful to him or her, or the difficulty of recovery of information known to exist at one time on the computer. 

Ultimately, a Rhode Island divorce client may want to spend less money to have a software recovery performed to give him or her more knowledge about whether helpful information is readily retrievable before deciding to hire a higher level specialist.  It makes sense.  Why pay more for a retrieval specialist simply because he or she can testify about the findings by virtue of his or her credentials?   You may be paying only for credentials because the process is helpful to you, if and only if, information helpful to your case is actually discovered on the computer hard drive.

The Level 3 Computer Data Recovery Specialist is able to give you the knowledge as to whether there is readily obtainable information that will help your case on the computer hard drive.  While this is certainly no guarantee that the Level 3 Specialist has found all data that is possibly retrievable on the hard drive, you are able to do a cost/benefit analysis as to whether it is beneficial to you to engage a more costly specialist who will retrieve even more information and also have the ability to testify at the time of trial.

Recently a divorce colleague in Rhode Island used a forensic computer data recovery specialist who retrieved information showing that one spouse had concealed millions of dollars in marital assets from the other spouse.  A substantial portion of the information leading to the discovery was contained on the spouse's computer.  Without using a computer data recovery specialist, one spouse would have been cheated out of millions of dollars.

What is the true value of a Forensic Computer Data Recovery Specialist at any level?

Priceless ! ! !

Today's Question:

    For the sake of this question I'll call myself William.  I have a 401k that I began 10 years before I got married.  It had about $75,000 in it before Tammy and I got married.  We've been married for the past 13 years and my 401k is up to about $285,000.  I'm concerned about being able to pay my attorney's fees.  I'm also concerned because I want to keep the house my wife and I live in.  The house has been in our family for generations.  I don't think I can get a loan to buy out my wife's interest in the house because my credit isn't so good.  We have about $140,000 in equity in the house.  What can I do to save my house?  One attorney has told me that Tammy will get 1/2 of my 401k and that I can't touch my 401k monies while the divorce is pending.  This doesn't seem fair.  It looks like I'm going to lose 1/2 of everything I built.  I know Tammy is entitled to part of everything but it seems like I'm being left with no options but to lose the house and 1/2 of my 401k.  Is there anything I can do here?

    - William  (Coventry, RI)

Today's Answer:

    William, I can tell you that you have more options than you may think.  Ultimately, your 401k plan is the key to resolving your difficulties.  A 401k if much more versatile than a pension, annuity, IRA or any other investment vehicle. 

    First, Check with your 401k Plan Administrator.  Ask whether you are allowed to take a loan up to a certain percentage of your vested 401k balance.  Then confirm the amount of your vested balance and the allowable loan that you could take from your vested balance.  Loans on 401k plans are typical and are usually limited to 50% of your vested balance.

    For the sake of example let's assume this is a typical 401k plan and you can take a loan of up to 50% of your vested balance.  Based upon the numbers you have provided, I would be willing to venture a guess that you may be told that the entire $285,000 is vested and that your maximum allowed loan at 50% would be limited to $142,500.  You should also find out how much interest will be charged on whatever loan you take out and the maximum repayment period.  Of course you will be repaying yourself the interest so this is a considerable benefit to you.  Plus, you can check with your accountant to see if any of the 401k interest is potentially deductible because it is used as a buyout of your wife's interest in the real estate and adds to your adjusted basis in the property.

    Now William, there are a few things to take into consideration but careful planning will eliminate difficulty.  If you are already in the midst of a divorce then your are bound by the Automatic Orders of the Court.  These Orders prevent you from spending, hiding or doing anything out of the ordinary with any assets without the written consent of your spouse.  You may not unreasonably incur any debt that is not in the normal course of your home or running your business except for paying your attorney's fees.

At the outset this looks like it poses a massive hurdle but your case is a bit different.

The Rhode Island Family Court has the power of equitable distribution over the marital estate.  This means the marital assets and debts of the parties.  This does not include pre-marital assets.  You have already disclosed that your 401k had a value of $75,000 before you got married.  This $75,000 is a premarital asset.  These funds are yours.  Additionally, any appreciation relating solely to those $75,000 is also a non-marital asset because they are funds generated purely by virtue of a the pre-marital asset without further contribution from the parties.  Thus if over the 13 years if your 401k averaged 7% per annum return then your $75,000 has roughly appreciated to $180,738.38 making the marital portion of your 401k $285,000 minus $180,738.38 which equals $104,261.62.    The $104,261.62 should roughly be the true marital portion for distribution by the Rhode Island Family court.  It is certainly viable for you and your attorney take the position that this should be undisputed and that $180,738.38 is truly a premarital asset to which your wife is not entitled. 

If you are allowed a 50% loan to vested monies then you have in excess of $90,000 that you can take as a loan for both your attorneys' fees and to buy out your wife's interest in the house.  If your wife's share of the house equity is agreed to be $70,000 then even with poor credit you should be able to secure an equity line of credit or a refinance of the house even if you take out a loan of $40,000 and put $35,000 toward the house and rely upon $35,000 of the house equity to balance out the loan.  This also leaves you with an additional $5,000 for attorneys' fees.

If you take out a loan of $35,000 as suggested, then you still have $145,738.38 that should remain a pre-marital asset that you are entitled to claim as a pre-marital asset.

Keep in mind that this is an arguable position.  Technically, it is a judge's role to determine whether an asset is marital, non-marital, premarital or otherwise exempt from the court's equitable distribution power.  However, when the issue is as clear cut as this in accordance with the statutes, most judges will not penalize an individual for following the advice of his attorney in order to settle a matter on the judge's calendar.

If the judge disapproves of the manner in which you proceed and finds the circumstances to require the court's authority, the most likely conclusion is that the Judge will consider any disproportionate amount as an offset to your spouse against the marital estate.  However, pursuant to the Rhode Island General Laws this is an arguable position that you should be able to take and use without the written permission of the other party or an order of the court, especially if it is used in an effort to settle the case. 

However, if the funds are used for purposes other than settling the case, be prepared for the court to take more appropriate actions to punish you as an abusing party even if you are within your legal rights.

Rhode Island Divorce mediation is not a new concept.  It may or may not be of benefit to you in your spouse in resolving your divorce issues.

Divorce mediation typically involves you and your spouse agreeing that you will sit down with a third party as a mediator in an effort to reach an agreement that is acceptable to both spouses for the resolution of the divorce . . . or perhaps better referred to as the settlement of the marriage.

It remains controversial as to whether the mediator must be an attorney or whether another third-party good at negotiating solutions to family issues is sufficient.   From the perspective of a Rhode Island lawyer who focuses his legal practice in the areas of Rhode Island divorce and family law I can see the pros and cons of using either. . . . and they are significant.

Consider this one example:

You and your spouse either know or agree that you will get divorced.  Your spouse suggests that you can reach an amicable resolution by sitting down with a Rhode Island marriage and family counselor who has had success in helping couples find common ground deciding what to do to finalize their divorce.

You and your spouse go to this Rhode Island marriage and family counselor.  A portion of the mediation session goes like this.

Counselor: [To Both of You] Now, I know this divorce isn't going to be easy for either of you but you both need to be able to survive and move forward with your lives after this is over, wouldn't you agree.

Parties:  [Both nodding]

Counselor [to You] :  Okay.  Now I understand that you've been the main earner in the household, is that right?

You:  Yes, that's correct.

Counselor [to Your Spouse]:  And you work part-time to help out with the expenses when needed but you mainly use the money you make for your own personal spending money, is that right?

Your Spouse:  Yes, that's about right.

Counselor [to You]:  Now you have a college degree, is that right?

You:  Yes

Your Spouse:  And I have my high school diploma.

Counselor:  And how long have you two been married?

Your Spouse:  We've been together for 15 years and married for almost 12 years of that time.

Counselor:   And during that time,  who has been making what portion of the income for the most part?

You:  I've made about 80 to 85% of our income.

Your Spouse:  And I've made the remaining part.  I think that is a pretty good estimate.

Counselor:  Now in my experience only uncivilized and vindictive people go through a divorce and try to hurt their spouse.  I don't think either of you fall into that group because you're here meeting with me today, is that fair to say.

Both You and Your Spouse:  Yes.

Counselor [To You]:  Okay  . . . now you understand that your spouse is going to have a much harder time financially to make a go of it without your income, right?

You:  Well, yes.

Counselor [To You]:  And it's no secret that your spouse has been relying on you financially for the past 12 years to survive, right?

You:  I guess so.

Counselor:  Well, here you are getting ready to go through your divorce here in Rhode Island and it's important that we agree regarding the things we're discussing here today so it's important that we are sure about thing that we agree on so it's better if we don't guess.  Has your spouse been providing mostly for her own support for the past 12 years?

You:  No.

Counselor:  Has your spouse been relying upon someone else other than herself for her financial needs?

You:  Yes.

Counselor:  Okay, can you give me that person's name and address.

You:  Well, that person is me!

Counselor:  Oh... there isn't anyone else?

You:  Not that I know of.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Well, is there anyone else that you've been relying on for your financial needs?

Your Spouse:  No.

Counselor [To You]:  So is it fair to say that your spouse has been relying on you these past 12 years?

You:  Yes.

Counselor [To Both of You]:  Now you both realize that your divorce is going to change that, right?

You and Your Spouse:  Yes we do.

Counselor [To Both of You]:  And you both realize that your spouse is going to need to survive financially after this divorce, don't you.

You and Your Spouse:  That makes sense.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Now you probably figured out already that you're probably going to have to work on a full-time basis and take care of yourself after this divorce is done.  Have you considered that?

Your Spouse:  Yes.

Counselor [To You]:  And you've probably figured out that you're probably going to have to help your spouse financially for a time, right?

You:  What?!?

Counselor [To You]:  Well, your spouse has been relying on you for 12 years.  We just talked about that a minute ago, correct?

You:  Yeah.  What's your point?

Counselor [To You]:  And you agreed that you both need to be able to survive financially and be able to move on  with your lives after this, right?

You:  Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

Counselor [To You]:  You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you? 

I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse.  Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

You:  Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

Counselor:  But it makes sense,  doesn't it?  You supported your spouse for 12 years or more  and you are the one that makes most of the money.  Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

You:  Yeah but. . . [thinking]

Counselor:  So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

You:  I suppose so.

Counselor:  Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

You:  Yes . . . I think iw was about $175,000.00 as of the last statement.

Your  Spouse:  Let's keep in mind that there's some infidelity here.

You:  Well you drove me to it.  If you weren't so cold and distant I wouldn't have had to find someone who cared and could give me what I needed.

Counselor:  Okay . . . let's remember that this isn't to try to resolve all of your personal issues, this divorces mediation session is for us to see what affect all of these things have had on you and how we can work out an agreement for your divorce.  The idea is, what can we mutually agree upon so that we can help you move forward with each of your own separate lives after this is all over.

Your Spouse:  But that's what this divorce is all about?

Counselor:  I can completely understand that you feel that way, and if I didn't know better I'd probably agree with you, yet in the end this is all about a relationship that has broken down and can't be fixed.  When that happens people go through a legal divorce proceeding.  What we're here about today and what you both hired me to do is to try to see if we can reach some common  ground to go your separate ways fairly.

Your Spouse:  Well, I want it all.

You:  All of it?

Your Spouse:  I think it's only fair since you cheated on me. 

You:   Are you crazy?

Your Spouse:  You should have thought of that before finding another bed to sleep in.

Counselor:  [Interrupting the squabbling] Are we done?

You and Your Spouse:  Done?  What are you talking about?

Counselor:  We're done, right?  You two just want to hurt each other so we're done, right?  I've earned my fee and you can go into court and just scream at each other.

You and Your Spouse:  No... [you] .     No.  [your spouse].

Counselor:  Then let's look at things here.  Is this a fault divorce?

Your Spouse:  No it's not.  My attorney says I should file based on irreconcilable differences.  But I deserve something.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Well perhaps that's true yet isn't ALL of it a bit much?

Your Spouse:  Not to me.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Okay... you say that you were cheated on, right?

Your Spouse:  Yes I do.

You:  It's not true though!! [very defensively].

Counselor:  Okay, I'm not going to agree if it's true or not, but assuming it is true just for the sake of argument, how much did this affair... affect the value of the $175,000 retirement plan?

Your Spouse:  How much did it affect the retirement plan?

Counselor:  Yes. 

Your Spouse:  It didn't.

Counselor[To Your Spouse]:  It didn't affect the retirement account at all?

Your Spouse:  No.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Then why are you asking for all of it?

Your Spouse:  Because I deserve it!!

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Why?

Your Spouse:  Because of the affair?

Counselor:  So what you are saying is that if you were originally entitled to 1/2 of the retirement account that you are entitled to the other $87,500 because you were cheated on.

Your Spouse:  [Hesitating]  Well. . . . yes that's what I'm saying.

You:  I did not cheat on you or have any affair!

Counselor:  [Interrupting again] . . . You're hurt.  I understand that.  And maybe that is worth something financially . . . yet it just doesn't seem quite reasonable to ask for the whole retirement account when you even say yourself that the affair didn't hurt the retirement account or your part of it.  A judge might give you half or a little more but I don't think a judge would give you all of it.

[Silence as Counselor thinks...]

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Assuming just for the sake of argument that there was an affair and no damage was done to the retirement account as you've already said, what do you think is reasonable to ask a judge for.

Your Spouse:  I don't know.  I'm not a judge.

Counselor:  Well what does any affair have to do with all the hard work and deposits that are made into a retirement account if you were to get 1/2 of it right off the bat?

Your Spouse:  Well it doesn't have anything to do with it when you put it that way.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Okay, well we've agreed that you will need some financial help for a bit of time to get on your feet.  Keeping that in  mind, how much of the retirement plan would you agree to take in order to resolve this issue and get on with your life?

Your Spouse:  75 percent.

You:  You are kidding me.  For an affair I didn't even have?!?

Counselor [To You]:  So that isn't acceptable to you, right?

You:  No!  That's robbing me.

Counselor [To Your Spouse]:  Okay, is there a lesser amount that you might consider.

Your Spouse:  Sure.  Give me the whole thing and I won't take anything from you to get by until I get on my feet.

Counselor [To You]:  What do you think of that?

You:  [Thinking]

Your Spouse:  Otherwise I'm going to go to court and ask for financial help for the next five (5) years plus 75% of your retirement.

You:  [Frustrated] ..... Fine.

Counselor [To You]:  Fine to what?

You:  [Still Frustrated]:  If I don't have to give her any extra financial help then she can have the entire retirement account.

Counselor [To You]:  Are you sure?  We're going to set this down in stone so this needs to be firm that you absolutely agree to this.

You:  Yes... yes... yes... I agree.  Let's move on.

In this Rhode Island Divorce mediation setting you can see the interpersonal skills of the Marriage and Family Counselor at work.  The mediator tries to work with each party, keeps him or her focused on the issues at hand using excellent personal relationship skills and discusses the various positions without taking the side of either party.  Logic and common sense are a part of the dialogue yet he or she does not use legal arguments.  The parties are drawn together toward a resolution that each agrees upon that the parties agree will be committed to paper and signed as a resolution of their divorce issues.

The pros of a third-party divorce mediator with counseling and/or psychological skills but who is not law trained are seen mostly in the method used by the mediator/counselor to bring the parties together by agreeing in part with each of their positions, providing understanding and also redirecting the party to another way of thinking about a situation without taking on the role of being an advocate for the other party.

The con of using a third-party divorce mediator who is not law trained is the lack of practical family court experience and knowledge of the process.  In this particular case, an attorney acting as a mediator for a divorcing couple would be inclined to call to Your attention that alimony in Rhode Island is rehabilitative in nature, may be very limited in time or scope and is also dependent upon Your income and other assets that may be available from the marital estate.  This is something a third-party divorce mediator will not usually undertake since the objective of a mediator in this instance is simply to reach an agreeable result and not necessarily achieve a fair result based upon how a Rhode Island family court judge is likely to rule.

The pros of using a law trained mediator are obviously the cons of the third-party counseling divorce mediator.  Law trained mediators (such as lawyers focusing their practice in divorce and family law) bring with them the realistic and practical real world results that come from seeing actual cases before the court.  This would seemingly lead to a more equitable result or perhaps a result that is more in accord with a result that you might receive from a Rhode Island Family Court Judge presiding over your divorce.  Agreements by law trained mediators are more likely to encompass a whole agreement which is dependent upon each of it's components (i.e. it is a package deal) in order to work as opposed to a bunch of individual elements that are segregated and agreed to one at a time.

The con of using a Rhode Island law trained mediator (i.e. Rhode Island Family Law Mediator) is the lack of any formalized counseling and/or psychological training which helps to facilitate the atmosphere where the parties are drawn together to reach agreement.

If at all possible a Rhode Island law trained mediator who is regularly practices before the Rhode Island Divorce and family court system and also has background in counseling and/or psychology is perhaps the best bet both for reaching an agreement generally and in particular for reaching an agreement that is an accordance what a Rhode Island Family Court judge is likely to order.