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Dear Rhode Island Divorce Coach,

I need help and I can't afford to hire a Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer or even pay your coaching fee.  Yes, financially I'm doing pretty bad since I got laid off after 15 years.  I've made good money but now unemployment is going to run out and I don't even know how I'm going to afford food or rent.  She just want's child support again for my son again and she says it's my problem.

My ex and I have been divorced for almost 9 years.  We had two kids together.  My daughter is 19 years old and she's going to Rhode Island Community College and doing great.  My son a great kid.  He is somewhat learning disabled and I've been told he has the mental age of 13 even though he's almost 21 years old.  

The Rhode Island family court terminated my child support for my daughter just shortly after she turned 18 and again for my son at age 19.

My ex-wife is taking me back into court to get child support for my son.  She says she'll get it because he is learning disabled and is still living at home with her.

There's no chance she can do, is there?  I mean, once the court tells me I don' t have to pay anymore I'm done, right?

J from Pawtucket.

The Rhode Island Divorce Coach's Answer:
      
     J.  I certainly can't give you an exact answer because lawyers don't make the decisions, it's the Judge's that do that and it is all based upon all the circumstances and I can never be sure if you've given me all the circumstances or how a judge might view them depending upon how they are presented in court.

     I can tell you that effective July 9, 2011 the law regarding this subject changed.  Specifically, General Laws 15-5-16.2(b) which provides the fundamental considerations the court must consider when determining the child support for children who have a severe physical or mental impairment and are still living with or under the care of a parent even beyond the child's emancipation date as set forth in the statute (deemed to be 19 years old at the latest) has been modified.

While the Rhode Island Family court was already afforded the power to issue a child support order for the severely physically or mentally disabled child beyond the age of 19 in its discretion provided the court found that continued child support was warranted under the circumstances.  

Now, in your case you have told me that before the law was changed your child support obligation for your son was terminated by the family court.  You don't mention anything about whether the court determined if your son with physically or mentally impaired, or if your son was living with either you or your ex-wive at the time your child support obligation for him was terminated, so I will address the change in the law.  You should then apply what the change in the law states to your situation since it would be improper for me to speculate on your situation without asking you further questions during a paid coaching session.

Rhode Island General Laws 15.5-16.2 (b) which provides the factors a court must consider when deciding to expand child support beyond a child's 19th birthday has been amended.  As of July 9, 2011, the following addition was inserted after the factors the court must consider.

"If a child support order for a child with a severe physical or mental impairment has been terminated, suspended or expired, the court shall consider the factors in this paragraph and has the discretion to order child support for this child prospectively based upon established child support guidelines."

Essentially this law seems to give the Rhode Island Family Court the power to award child support on a "going forward basis" even after a child's 19th birthday if the child has or had * a "severe physical or mental impairment" and a child support order for that child was terminated, suspended, or expired.  

However, in a nut shell it now makes it possible for your ex-wife to at least petition the court for a continuation of child support if the court determines that your son's condition constitutes a severe physical or mental impairment.

Therefore, based upon the new addition to the law, it IS possible that your ex-wife could take you back to court and be awarded child support for your son on a going forward basis even if your child support was previously terminated provided the court finds that your son's condition meets all the criteria required by that law.

You will want to look at cases determining what constitutes a severe physical or mental impairment under other Rhode Island cases.

I'm sorry that the answer isn't as simple as you might like it.  However, the law can get very complex and often rests on different interpretations and arguments that can be made.  That's why it is always important, in the very least, to seek the advice of an experienced divorce and family law practitioner on matters such as these.

[ *Important Note on Bolded Text:  It is unclear from this addition in Rhode Island General Laws 15-5-16.2(b) whether the child had to have the severe physical or mental impairment (a) At the time the previous Rhode Island child support order was issued, (b) At the time the previous Rhode Island child support order was terminated, or (c) whether the child could have acquired the severe physical or mental impairment at any time after the date the child support order that was terminated was made by the court. ]

I hope you found this of help to you.  Should you need any further assistance, please contact me for an affordable legal advice or Rhode Island Family Law Coaching session from an experienced Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law and Divorce Lawyer and Coach.

My best of luck to you J.
Too many divorces result from one or more major factors.   Whether you suspect a divorce is imminent in your marriage or not, one factor that keeps most marriages together is "Listening."

Many divorces result from numerous factors.  However, female clients report mostly circumstances which show that their husbands failed to truly "listen to them."

While it may be true that it's a big jump for the lack of listening to cause a divorce because a man failed to listen, many men don't understand that listening is crucial for relationships, especially good marriages.

Keep in mind that listening doesn't involve merely being present and have two ears men.  If you think you're doing your job by just doing those two things, the likelihood is that you could be throwing your relationship with your wife right out the door because you remain ignorant of what it means to "Listen" to your wife.

You may take this for what it's worth, but I have a fantastic relationship with my wife Cindy.  The biggest factor is that I strive to "listen" more than I talk AND to do it properly.

So what is your quick tip?  Listen to your wife and do it properly!  Most therapeutic professionals do it all the time.  It is usually referred to as "Active Listening."

So how do you listen properly?  Follow these factors for listening and you are on your way:

1.  Be attentive when your wife is speaking to you by avoiding doing other things and give your wife your full and complete attention.

2.  Make eye contact and give acknowledgment.  If you sitting in silence and say nothing,  look bored, look in another direction, peek at your watch, don't make eye contact, don't make any sounds and don't even look like you are the slightest bit interested in what she is saying to you then you are blowing it!  

3.  Be attentive for as long as your wife needs to talk.  Why?  Because for the most part I have learned that spouses need to talk in order to feel better or to share with their spouse what is going on inside them.  It is only once you do this completely that your wife feels as though you "listened" to her.  It is only then that she feels as though you truly heard heard her. 

4.  Acknowledge your wife even if it is in small ways such as statements such as "You are kidding me." or , "That's awful." or, head knods or shaking your head or widening your eyes in disbelief.  Your wife needs to know you are not only listening but that you have heard her and this shows her how much SHE MATTERS to you!  

5.  Don't interrupt your wife even if it sounds to you as though you are being accused of something.

6.  Don't get defensive so that all you want to do is refute what she has to say.  Your wife is telling you how she is feeling at that moment.  She needs to be listened to and she needs to be heard.  Men are very literal and we get offended too easily.  Often times a woman might say something that means one thing to her but when taken literally means something totally different to you as a man and husband.  You as the husband need not have enough self control to listen and do so actively.  It may take you extra effort not to feel offended or blamed in your marriage, but reacting and responding before your wife has had a chance to finish may only lead to disaster and divorce.

Keep in mind, if you don't actively listen to her attentively without interruption, judgment, retort, attacking her, defending yourself or allowing her to finish, then you have "blown it."  You need to actively listen from beginning to end for her to feel listened to.

I still "screw up" several times per month and interrupt, get defensive, fail to listen actively and respond appropriately to my wife.  It is during those times that our relationship is angry and uncomfortable and I feel distant from my wife who is also my best friend.  It is during those time that I feel most alone as a husband.  It is far from a good feeling if you truly love your wife as I do.

Chances are I will never be perfect at this, but I get better each month and after 12 years I am truly "in love with my wife" as if it were our very first day together.

Can women do things as well?  Absolutely!  But that is a marriage saving article for another day.

If you truly love your wife, care about your marriage, and don't want to end up in divorce fellow men then I hope you take this article to heart.  For all the divorces I've helped to complete because it was just too late, I hope I can help as many marriages survive.



Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach
!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

Note: If this article contains a case scenario with names, dates or amounts, any resemblance any connection to any person or situation now or previously existing is purely accidental, unintentional, and is merely a mistaken creation in the mind of the reader.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.  The court does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any particular field of practice.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.comRhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach  |  RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com| Attorney Chris Pearsall at LawGuru.com | Rhode Island Family Law Lawyer - RI Consumer Tips

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching - When Fear Might Hurt Your Divorce!

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Too many people in Rhode Island divorces get scared and let their fear steer them into borrowing money and hiring a lawyer to represent them.  Many people can't even afford to pay the money back.  The end result?  Financially they are in a worse spot than they were before they hired the attorney.

Then there are those people who get served with Rhode Island Divorce papers and can't afford to hire a lawyer so they try to "wing it" because they don't have an alternative.

That's why I created the concept of Rhode Island Divorce Coaching.  There are far too many people who could do just fine if they just had a little knowledgeable help or some "coaching" as it were.

For instance, I received a call immediately before the July 4th holiday weekend began.  The person wanted to see me as soon as possible about their divorce. The person's voice indicated the fear typical regarding many people who are fearful of divorce.  

Like many people I observe holidays with my family.   So, I reassured the person that I would the appointment first thing Tuesday Morning unless there was suspicion that something was going to happen over the holiday weekend.  Since the person was not concerned about anything happening over the holiday weekend I set the appointment for my first appointment this morning.   On Sunday I received an email stating that the person had retained an attorney and therefore the person was canceling the appointment.

I responded with an email thanking the person for the courtesy and stating that I was here if needed.

Fear is an interesting response in Rhode Island divorce cases.  It is an emotion that tells us there is something coming that we need to be prepared for.  Yet at the same time the "fear response" to a relationship situation or change can provoke many people into a response that makes people look before they leap.  Rather can carefully shop for a divorce lawyer.

This may or may not have been the case with the person who called me.  Yet the call provides an interesting example.  If the caller had no fear that something impending was going to happen over the holiday weekend then why did the person retain counsel within 48 hours and notify me on a Sunday afternoon?  

What caused the impending fear in the divorce situation?  Was it a spouse?  Was it an attorney?  Was it a situation that occurred?  Or was it simply growing anxiety over the unknown and what the future holds?  For many people it is this last factor that creates an issue and causes judgment to be rushed as opposed to weighing options carefully.

As part of both my law practice and my coaching sessions I make sure I explain the entire process of a divorce, the legal procedures involved, a person's legal rights, and alternatives and choices that are available, at least to the best they might be known at that time.  

It is, in fact, a core foundation of my practice as a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice exclusively in divorce that I require this first part of the process for every person going through or considering filing for divorce.  I do so, because without understanding the big picture, how could any client ever understand what an attorney's role is, what an attorney can and cannot do for you, and what your role is in directing the attorney regarding your case.  Without these factors, clients often feel like a sailboat without a sail being tossed around at the whim of the wind in the middle of the ocean.

Fear in a Rhode Island divorce situation helps keep you aware that something that is coming needs to be prepared for.  However, if a person allows their feeling to overwhelm their reason and common sense such that they do not take the time necessary to meet with and screen attorneys for their skills, that same fear could damage their efforts.

A simple divorce is example is this.  Imagine that the person who called me has a considerable amount of fear about the future because the person does not know what to expect.  The person develops building anxiety and rather than controlling the fear that a  divorce is generating, he or she gets so fearful that a call is made to another attorney who has a real estate practice.  She speaks with the real estate attorney who has every right to represent someone in a divorce as an attorney who handles divorces on a daily basis.

However, real estate attorneys aren't doing particularly well in the current economy.  So, as a result they take on cases they may not be well versed in so they can bring in cashflow to keep their law practice afloat and pay their bills.

Chances are better than not that while the client may have soothed his or her anxiety by engaging a lawyer immediately, the anxiety about their Rhode Island divorce may now have caused them to hire a lawyer who may not be equipped to keep them informed, or even know the proper procedural aspects of the Rhode Island Family Court's divorce process.  The person may now be without their money and have hired an attorney who is not equipped to effectively be of assistance.

A divorce and family law attorney is much like a guide trying to keep you on the right path on a road that he or she has traveled many times.  Allowing your fear to create such anxiety that you hire an attorney who is traveling the same road you are traveling for the very first time can cause you to plummet from the path and end up in the middle of your case with no guide at all because you have no money or you are too close to the hardest part of the journey to afford a guide to come on board and try to come to your rescue.

Fear is real and it can be a positive factor when viewed correctly.  However, when it is not bridled with reason and common sense it can be a dangerous thing leading you to select the lawyer who may not serve you best because you make a quick decision based on nothing more than fear.

Do yourself a favor.  Give yourself some credit.  You have made it this far in life.  You are alive and you have survived.  That is something that counts for something regardless of your circumstances or an impending divorce.  Come what may, you can handle it.  Even if you are afraid of what might happen in the future, do not do yourself a disservice!  Use your reason.  Use your common sense.  Do not let your fear rush you into a hasty decision!

Whether it is in choosing the right lawyer to assist you in your divorce, or making a particular decision about your divorce, use prudence and do not allow your fear to rush your decision.  If you allow your fear to control your decisions your own fear may later create regrets that you can never undo.




Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach
!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Visit the RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Experience the Difference!

Copyright 2000 to Present.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Rhode Island Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

Note: If this article contains a case scenario with names, dates or amounts, any resemblance any connection to any person or situation now or previously existing is purely accidental, unintentional, and is merely a mistaken creation in the mind of the reader.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.  The court does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any particular field of practice.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.comRhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach  |  RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com| Attorney Chris Pearsall at LawGuru.com | Rhode Island Family Law Lawyer - RI Consumer Tips

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