Recently in Attorney Tactics Category

Divorce Settlements in Rhode Island - The Top Two things that Prevent Settlements!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on November 13, 2009 7:25 PM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks

Many things can prevent a Rhode Island Divorce Case from settling.  In fact, while I cannot speak for all attorneys in other states I tend to believe that people and attorneys do not differ that much from state to state.  With that in mind, these may be the top two things that prevent divorces from settling on a national basis.


* * * The 2nd Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * *


In my Rhode Island divorce practice, experience has taught me that "anger" is the second greatest contributor to the inability of parties, with or without attorneys, to reach a reasonable settlement in a divorce.


While divorce often evokes a plethora of emotions in one or both parties in a marriage, none seem as prominent or as powerful to delay and prolong the resolution of the divorce as "anger."  The anger may stem from any number of things ranging from a suddenly discovered long-term affair to a drug or gambling addiction and more.   As a divorce attorney I leave the treatment of a parties' anger to psychologists and therapists better equipped to address and treat its source and help divorcing parties deal with their mental and emotional dilemmas.


However, there is no doubt that as a divorce lawyer, I (and my colleagues) deal with the effects that the anger of either party has on the divorce proceeding.  These effects range from emotion filled meetings with angry clients who feel cheated and betrayed by their spouse to the vindictive decisions or actions of an opposing spouse with an outright desire to injure the other spouse emotionally or even physically.  


Divorce settlements are often prevented by the anger of one spouse at the other spouse.  Usually this takes the form of one or both spouses making demands in the settlement of their marriage that in some way justify the party's feelings or otherwise vindicate the spouse in some way by gaining more in the way of an apportionment of assets or less in the way of an assignment of marital debt.  Simply put this becomes a matter of getting something that makes the spouse feel that he or she "won" in some way over the other spouse.


In truth, there are no real winners in such a situation.  The anger merely costs the parties more physical, mental and emotional turmoil than is necessary and the attorneys make more money while the parties have less money in the end for their own needs.  


Even if one party views the divorce trial or settlement as a "win", it is merely an illusion.  No one wins in a divorce.  The only way to truly win is to resolve the issues you have at present and move on to a new and different future without the other person as your spouse.



* * *  The Greatest Thing that Prevents Divorce Settlements * * * 

Though there are many who may disagree with my conclusion that "making the wrong choice of divorce lawyer" is certainly not the greatest thing that prevents divorce settlements, I leave those persons to their opinion and remain steadfast in my belief that divorce lawyers are often the greatest impediment to preventing divorce settlements.


Having practiced almost exclusively as a Rhode Island divorce and family law attorney for nearly a decade I have had the opportunity to oppose countless attorneys who have represented the opposing spouse.  From the outset of my practice I noted a distinct pattern and made it a practice to listen more than I spoke, it is this practice and skill that has served me best in my divorce and family law practice.  


I have gained my most valuable knowledge by listening to divorce attorneys I have opposed in court as well as listening to others while walking through the halls of the family courts or waiting to be heard in the courtrooms.


Some Rhode Island divorce lawyers, though certainly not all, do not share my "families first" philosophy.  Clients should keep in mind that there are those attorneys who see clients merely as a paycheck.  If you were a divorce attorney with heavy personal financial burdens or with a substantial desire for increased monetary rewards and you knew that your income was dependent upon the number of clients who hire you each year and how much you earn from those clients, what might you do?


Consider each of these questions and answer them for yourself.


If your divorce case lasts longer, couldn't a divorce attorney justify earning more from your case?


If you are upset about your divorce, couldn't a Rhode Island divorce attorney aggravate what is upsetting you in order to make it more difficult and take longer to set up your case?


If your divorce attorney knows that to make his or her desired income he or she must represent X number of divorce clients each year and make $5,000 on each client, is it more likely or less likely that your divorce attorney will counsel you to agree to a reasonable settlement of your case within the first three weeks of your case?


You may draw your own conclusions.  For my part, virtually every case that I have been unable to reasonably settle within a reasonable period of time before both my client and the opposing spouse are injured by the financial burdens associated with divorce litigation have been prevented by attorneys who have placed their own interests before that of their clients.  Some of those attorneys even have an underhanded pattern of doing so such that I now warn my clients of what we are up against before we proceed further.  Attorneys who act in this way do a disservice to the legal profession and an even greater disservice to their own client.


Rhode Island divorce attorneys who act in this way are a greater prevention to the settlement of divorce cases because emotion is not intentional and can be countered by the reasonableness of a good divorce lawyer who cares about the client and places the client's interests first.  However, the intentional actions of a lawyer with his or her own interests placed before those of the client in every sense (mentally, emotionally, physically or financially), can sometimes not be prevented even by the most skilled opposing practitioner.


Ultimately, if you have significant anger regarding your divorce, it is always advisable to seek the assistance of a counselor even if you do not believe your anger is affecting your judgment.  Often, anger does, in fact, affect judgment in divorce cases to a person's detriment.  


Additionally, be aware of what your attorney is doing in your case and remain active in your communications with your attorney.  Most cases are capable of being resolved within three (3) months if the parties and attorneys act in a reasonable manner.  If it takes longer than this, speak with your attorney, speak with your spouse and if necessary, speak with your individual counselor.  You may discover that what you think is happening in your divorce case as represented by your attorney is much different than what is actually occurring.


In any divorce, be aware of your emotional state and be aware of your case and your divorce attorney's conduct.  In the end, both will serve you well in resolving your Rhode Island divorce case.

 

Authored By:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law

Rhode Island's Full-Time Divorce* Lawyer is Now
Rhode Island's Only Divorce and Family Law Coach!!

Discover the Tremendous Benefits You Receive by 

Participating in Family Law Coaching Sessions!

Go to RhodeIslandDivorceCoach.com


Call (401) 632-6976 Now
to
Schedule Your Low-Cost Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session!

Copyright 2009.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Pearsall.net | AttorneyPearsall.com | Rhode Island Divorce Tips | ChristopherPearsall.com | GuaranteedWealth.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorney | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer | ChrisPearsall.com | LegalScholar.com | Pearsall-Law-Associates.com | Rhode Island Divorce Attorneys | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyers | Rhode Island Divorce Coach  |  RI Divorce Coach | RI Divorce Lawyer on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Coach on Twitter | Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer on Facebook.com | Rhode Island Home Buying Tips | 

Rhode Island Family Court - A Family Law Coaching Tip About Going Beyond Civility!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on October 3, 2009 5:12 PM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks
It's no secret that the judge's in the Rhode Island Family Court would rather see divorces worked out amicably.  This goes along with the whole domino theory of how cases flow better.  It's quite simple actually.  Each year more and more cases are filed in the Rhode Island Family Courts with only a limited budget and staff to handle all of them.  Naturally, the more divorce cases that are resolved amicably, the faster those cases are cleared up and time is freed up for other cases that may need it, or to give the family court staff a breather to catch up with the daily filing, docketing, rescheduling, file transfers, etc.... that invariably happen on a day to day basis.

While I for one most certainly appreciate the smiles and kindness extended to me by a good majority of the people who work at these family courts, make no mistake about it that I try to afford these folks the respect they deserve for all their hard work.  It doesn't go unnoticed by me and I encourage all person's who represent themselves on a Pro Se basis to keep in mind that these people are the ones who make the family court tick and keep it moving.  Therefore, it's not just with with the divorce cases, but rather the more amicable we are with each other on a daily basis, the better the system flows and hopefully we can all contribute a little bit of a smile or kindness to each other so that all of our days end up brightened in the end.

My apologies for sounding little like "Mary Poppins" here.  Yet there is something to be said for the statement that "what goes around comes around."  If we want to be treated with kindness, a cheerful smile and a strong sense of respect and civility, then it needs to begin with us.  In this case, I mean... every reader.

It is not the "job" of the clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts to treat you with civility, kindness, a refreshing smile or even a pleasant tone.  I'm sure we'd all like it if that were in each of their job descriptions but the reality is such that you won't find it anywhere in any manual or requirement of the courts or of any "civil or public servant".

By the same token, those same clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts are all too familiar with the discourteous nature of many of the people who come into the family courts yelling, screaming, swearing and even defacing the courthouse itself.

If neither our civil servants, nor the patrons who present themselves to those who serve the courts have any requirement to be civil or friendly, why then have I found myself wondering why people on both sides of the counter have an expectation of civility and anger as one or the other of the parties either leave the courtroom or the family court clerk's counter?

In essence there is a diversity here that has gone unnoticed but is easily explainable.  Many of us have been brought up with many different beliefs.  Some of those beliefs may be that civil servants have a duty to treat taxpayers who actually pay their salaries with respect and civility.  Others have been brought up believing that when we approach anyone to engage their assistance in a position where they may be able to help us that we should treat them with civility and kindness no matter how we may be treated.  It's easy for these (and other) beliefs can clash and make communication and consequently the system itself flow poorly and with a semblance of disrespect on either side of the coin even if none were intended.

As a Rhode Island Family Law attorney who coaches clients on how to best proceed in their family law matters at various points in the family court system I recommend three points Pro Se individuals and those seeking help from people at the family court should follow to promote the best experience and results possible.

1.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  A smile and a few words of respect go a long way with anyone.  This is one of life's little secrets.  Give to get.

2.  Don't expect things from others if you don't expect them from yourself.  One of the biggest mistakes we make and consequently the cause of most clashes between people results from a violation of expectations.  Don't expect to be treated with civility and kindness by any one person at the family court or elsewhere if you haven't applied that same expectation to yourself for the entire week AND met that expectation (i.e. always hold yourself to a much higher standard than you hold others to.)

3.  Most importantly . . . . LEARN NAMES!  There is nothing more important to any person than hearing their own name stated with a sense of happiness, excitement or respect.  If you are in line at the Rhode Island family court or any other public or private office such as the DMV, etc.... look for name tags, name plates on desks, or names stated by other co-workers and then find a way to pleasantly use the person's first name.  It is a sign of respect to use a person's name and when used in front of other people indicates that the person is likely to be a person of authority. 

Let's go beyond civility, not only at the Rhode Island Family Court but in our daily dealings with people.

As Dale Carnegie once said, there is nothing more pleasant on heaven or earth to any person than the sound of ones own name uttered with respect.

Call (401) 632-6976 Now
and
Schedule Your Rhode Island Divorce* or Family Law* Coaching Session Now about your Uncontested RI Divorce!

Copyright 2009.  Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
 Offering Divorce and Family Law Coaching for a New Millenium!

* Rhode Island licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law.

- - Recommended Websites - -

Affordable Rhode Island Divorce - This New Coaching Concept could be just what the Doctor Ordered!

By Rhode Island Divorce Coach on September 3, 2009 8:06 PM | 0 Comments | 0 TrackBacks
Many Rhode Islander's these days are frustrated with today's economy, especially when there is too much month at the end of the money.  Certainly it's no secret that financial issues can cause a strain on even the strongest of marital relationships these days, sometimes even causing them to collapse entirely and open the door to divorce.

Even though many Rhode Island attorneys make their living from divorces which find spouses at each other's throats there are those of us who try to minimize the financial, emotional and mental damage caused by divorces.

Yet the greatest challenge arises in the burdensome financial cost of hiring a competent divorce lawyer to insure you are aware of your legal rights and know how to protect them.

If you are going to go through a Rhode Island Family Court Matter you want to spend too much money on your divorce?  

real problem?

It can be summed up in two questions that most people want to know from the moment they start talking to a lawyer.

How much is your retainer?

 . . . . OR . . . . 
 
How much do you charge per hour?
 
For many people, it is whether a lawyer's rate and retainer for a divorce fit within a person's budget rather than hiring a divorce lawyer who truly knows what he or she is doing.

Today's challenge for the Rhode Islander or anyone seeking even a moderately affordable divorce in the family courts of Rhode Island is simply this . . finding an affordable attorney who knows what he or she is doing.

In these financially difficult times Rhode Island lawyers who have focused their practices in immigration, business, criminal law, and real estate are now expanding their practices to including divorce and family law cases.  Though any licensed Rhode Island attorney may legally appear before Rhode Island's family courts and endeavor to proceed for a client in a family law matter, clients with any level of concern about their family law matter should scrutinize what type of lawyer they are hiring.

To make sure there are no misunderstandings, it should be stressed that Rhode Island does not have a procedure for the specialization of attorneys.  All lawyers in Rhode Island are licensed by the Rhode Island Supreme court in the general practice of law.  

An attempt at specialization in Rhode Island is merely the attorney's personal choice, advertising and knowledge.  Thus, it becomes difficult for people to find a competent attorney in any particular area of law but also an affordable attorney.

This has been a pet peeve of mine for years yet it seems to be a practicality of the legal system that has existed for countless decades. 

Welcome to my answer ... Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law Coaching.  

Without complicating the subject and diverging into the various applications for this coaching that have already arisen, imagine having an experienced lawyer share his professional knowlege and experience with you for a fraction of his normal fee.  

Imagine being aware of your rights, knowing the paperwork to file, knowing how to proceed, knowing the arguments to use in your favor, knowing how to best position yourself in your case . . . in essence having an experienced professional coach assist you through your family law matter.  Best of all, your coach has no further expectation of compensation or the performance of future services.  It's up to you.

You meet with the professional family law attorney and at the end of your scheduled time you pay your legal coach for the time you spent.  These is no expectation of hiring the coach for the long term.  There is absolutely no expectation of getting your checkbook out to dish out a check to the coach for $2,500 or more for future services.   

The high fees of a professional divorce and family law coach are ELIMNATED!  Waiting for the other foot to drop . . . .namely the RETAINER... is ELIMINATED!

The end result?  
1)  You get professional, experienced help.  
2)  You get practical information.  
3)  You get direction and reassurance.
4)  You get your questions answered.  
5)  You pay only for the lawyer's/coach's time and experience not any hidden charges or time that you never see utilized.

I welcome your responses to this posting.  Your comments are appreciated.  Short of working for free (which is not an option for any lawyer), how could you see client's getting more out of this type of professional service?

I'm here to make a difference.  I'm looking for you to help me ... to help you!

If this system could get defined and refined you may see such a service expanding to help more people faster.  

I look forward to hearing from you.  Wouldn't a less expensive divorce or confidential input from a Rhode Island divorce and family law professional help you cope with your family law issue?

Speak out Rhode Islanders!  

You have a chance to make a difference.
« Affordable RI Legal Advice | Main Index | Archives | Billing Issues »

Recent Entries

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching - Knowing Your Rights and Saving Yourself Money Just Makes Sense!
If you have never heard of Rhode Island Divorce Coaching that's completely understandable. I'm the founder of this new innovation…
By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)
Rhode Island Divorce Coaching Tips on Challenging The Guardian Ad Litem's Report
In many cases involving children, the Rhode Island Family Court will appoint a lawyer or attorney familiar with Rhode Island…
By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)
Modifying Physical Placement of Your Teenager is just a Coach Call Away!
As a Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer I think I shocked one gentleman last week.  Generally speaking I was contacted by…
By Rhode Island Divorce Coach | Comments (0)