It's no secret that the judge's in the Rhode Island Family Court would rather see divorces worked out amicably. This goes along with the whole domino theory of how cases flow better. It's quite simple actually. Each year more and more cases are filed in the Rhode Island Family Courts with only a limited budget and staff to handle all of them. Naturally, the more divorce cases that are resolved amicably, the faster those cases are cleared up and time is freed up for other cases that may need it, or to give the family court staff a breather to catch up with the daily filing, docketing, rescheduling, file transfers, etc.... that invariably happen on a day to day basis.
While I for one most certainly appreciate the smiles and kindness extended to me by a good majority of the people who work at these family courts, make no mistake about it that I try to afford these folks the respect they deserve for all their hard work. It doesn't go unnoticed by me and I encourage all person's who represent themselves on a Pro Se basis to keep in mind that these people are the ones who make the family court tick and keep it moving. Therefore, it's not just with with the divorce cases, but rather the more amicable we are with each other on a daily basis, the better the system flows and hopefully we can all contribute a little bit of a smile or kindness to each other so that all of our days end up brightened in the end.
My apologies for sounding little like "Mary Poppins" here. Yet there is something to be said for the statement that "what goes around comes around." If we want to be treated with kindness, a cheerful smile and a strong sense of respect and civility, then it needs to begin with us. In this case, I mean... every reader.
It is not the "job" of the clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts to treat you with civility, kindness, a refreshing smile or even a pleasant tone. I'm sure we'd all like it if that were in each of their job descriptions but the reality is such that you won't find it anywhere in any manual or requirement of the courts or of any "civil or public servant".
By the same token, those same clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts are all too familiar with the discourteous nature of many of the people who come into the family courts yelling, screaming, swearing and even defacing the courthouse itself.
If neither our civil servants, nor the patrons who present themselves to those who serve the courts have any requirement to be civil or friendly, why then have I found myself wondering why people on both sides of the counter have an expectation of civility and anger as one or the other of the parties either leave the courtroom or the family court clerk's counter?
In essence there is a diversity here that has gone unnoticed but is easily explainable. Many of us have been brought up with many different beliefs. Some of those beliefs may be that civil servants have a duty to treat taxpayers who actually pay their salaries with respect and civility. Others have been brought up believing that when we approach anyone to engage their assistance in a position where they may be able to help us that we should treat them with civility and kindness no matter how we may be treated. It's easy for these (and other) beliefs can clash and make communication and consequently the system itself flow poorly and with a semblance of disrespect on either side of the coin even if none were intended.
As a Rhode Island Family Law attorney who coaches clients on how to best proceed in their family law matters at various points in the family court system I recommend three points Pro Se individuals and those seeking help from people at the family court should follow to promote the best experience and results possible.
1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. A smile and a few words of respect go a long way with anyone. This is one of life's little secrets. Give to get.
2. Don't expect things from others if you don't expect them from yourself. One of the biggest mistakes we make and consequently the cause of most clashes between people results from a violation of expectations. Don't expect to be treated with civility and kindness by any one person at the family court or elsewhere if you haven't applied that same expectation to yourself for the entire week AND met that expectation (i.e. always hold yourself to a much higher standard than you hold others to.)
3. Most importantly . . . . LEARN NAMES! There is nothing more important to any person than hearing their own name stated with a sense of happiness, excitement or respect. If you are in line at the Rhode Island family court or any other public or private office such as the DMV, etc.... look for name tags, name plates on desks, or names stated by other co-workers and then find a way to pleasantly use the person's first name. It is a sign of respect to use a person's name and when used in front of other people indicates that the person is likely to be a person of authority.
Let's go beyond civility, not only at the Rhode Island Family Court but in our daily dealings with people.
As Dale Carnegie once said, there is nothing more pleasant on heaven or earth to any person than the sound of ones own name uttered with respect.
While I for one most certainly appreciate the smiles and kindness extended to me by a good majority of the people who work at these family courts, make no mistake about it that I try to afford these folks the respect they deserve for all their hard work. It doesn't go unnoticed by me and I encourage all person's who represent themselves on a Pro Se basis to keep in mind that these people are the ones who make the family court tick and keep it moving. Therefore, it's not just with with the divorce cases, but rather the more amicable we are with each other on a daily basis, the better the system flows and hopefully we can all contribute a little bit of a smile or kindness to each other so that all of our days end up brightened in the end.
My apologies for sounding little like "Mary Poppins" here. Yet there is something to be said for the statement that "what goes around comes around." If we want to be treated with kindness, a cheerful smile and a strong sense of respect and civility, then it needs to begin with us. In this case, I mean... every reader.
It is not the "job" of the clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts to treat you with civility, kindness, a refreshing smile or even a pleasant tone. I'm sure we'd all like it if that were in each of their job descriptions but the reality is such that you won't find it anywhere in any manual or requirement of the courts or of any "civil or public servant".
By the same token, those same clerks, judges, assistant clerks, sheriffs, or other counter people who wait on you at the Rhode Island Family Courts are all too familiar with the discourteous nature of many of the people who come into the family courts yelling, screaming, swearing and even defacing the courthouse itself.
If neither our civil servants, nor the patrons who present themselves to those who serve the courts have any requirement to be civil or friendly, why then have I found myself wondering why people on both sides of the counter have an expectation of civility and anger as one or the other of the parties either leave the courtroom or the family court clerk's counter?
In essence there is a diversity here that has gone unnoticed but is easily explainable. Many of us have been brought up with many different beliefs. Some of those beliefs may be that civil servants have a duty to treat taxpayers who actually pay their salaries with respect and civility. Others have been brought up believing that when we approach anyone to engage their assistance in a position where they may be able to help us that we should treat them with civility and kindness no matter how we may be treated. It's easy for these (and other) beliefs can clash and make communication and consequently the system itself flow poorly and with a semblance of disrespect on either side of the coin even if none were intended.
As a Rhode Island Family Law attorney who coaches clients on how to best proceed in their family law matters at various points in the family court system I recommend three points Pro Se individuals and those seeking help from people at the family court should follow to promote the best experience and results possible.
1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. A smile and a few words of respect go a long way with anyone. This is one of life's little secrets. Give to get.
2. Don't expect things from others if you don't expect them from yourself. One of the biggest mistakes we make and consequently the cause of most clashes between people results from a violation of expectations. Don't expect to be treated with civility and kindness by any one person at the family court or elsewhere if you haven't applied that same expectation to yourself for the entire week AND met that expectation (i.e. always hold yourself to a much higher standard than you hold others to.)
3. Most importantly . . . . LEARN NAMES! There is nothing more important to any person than hearing their own name stated with a sense of happiness, excitement or respect. If you are in line at the Rhode Island family court or any other public or private office such as the DMV, etc.... look for name tags, name plates on desks, or names stated by other co-workers and then find a way to pleasantly use the person's first name. It is a sign of respect to use a person's name and when used in front of other people indicates that the person is likely to be a person of authority.
Let's go beyond civility, not only at the Rhode Island Family Court but in our daily dealings with people.
As Dale Carnegie once said, there is nothing more pleasant on heaven or earth to any person than the sound of ones own name uttered with respect.
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and
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Copyright 2009. Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
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